FEATURE FRIDAY

WE HAVE SEX BUT I DON’T KNOW IF WE’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. HELP!

FeatureFriday

Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! And it’s also my birthday! Happy birthday to me!!! 😀

Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

My name is Alexia and I honestly don’t know if I am currently single or in a relationship. I met a guy named Anthony a few months ago and we got along almost immediately. He is a very sweet guy and all my friends seem to approve of him but like I said, I don’t know if we’re in a relationship or not.

Anthony and I pretty much do everything together. We go out on dates regularly, he comes to my house to visit and I go to his house. I have met his family and everyone he knows. We have even gotten intimate several times just like normal couples yet I am not sure if we are in a relationship.

After sometime when everyone literally started referring to me as his girlfriend, I did the needful and asked him where we stood and what we were doing and his response was the dreaded “What do you want?” I replied and said “I want to be happy”. Of course he knows he makes me happy so shouldn’t wanting to be happy also mean wanting him for keeps? He never said anything again after that.

Two weeks ago, he kept going on and on about how his cousin was getting married outside of town in another state and he really didn’t want to travel for the wedding but deep down in my mind, I knew he would actually go. Anyway, my instincts were right as he called me the Sunday following the day of the wedding after he didn’t call me throughout the previous day – Saturday. He called and said “you know I travelled for the wedding right?”

This is not even the annoying part. The annoying part is that after he came back, he never even bothered to apologize for travelling without telling me. He completely acted like he didn’t do anything wrong and that’s where I have a problem. What do I do about this situation? I’m thinking of keeping my distance, after all, since I might not really be his girlfriend maybe he owes me no explanation.

What do I do about this situation? I’m thinking of keeping my distance, after all, since I might not really be his girlfriend maybe he owes me no explanation. Please advise me on what to do.

REPLY:

Hello Alexia,

I honestly don’t know why you keep saying “I don’t know if I’m in a relationship or not”. For the past few months, you see this guy every day, you go on dates regularly, you visit yourselves often, you have met his friends and even family, you spend a lot of time and do everything together, you have been intimate several times, you are even upset that he went “twenty four” hours without contacting you, and I could go on and on. Yet you say you are not sure if you are in a relationship with him?

Please do not get this twisted, there is definitely something going on between you and Anthony and from what I gather, it is mutual.

Look at it this way, if there was the so called name tag on your relationship called “girlfriend” and he went away without telling you, what would be your reaction? That should be your same reaction now!

That being said, it is best you actually get closure with the whole “relationship tag” thing. I mean it’s not like he treats you badly or he’s playing games, he just isn’t tagging your relationship and since you have a problem with that then mention it to him. And if he still shy’s away from the question then maybe you need to rethink your entire involvement with him.

I hope I’ve been of help. I wish you all the best!

Feel free to comment, ask questions, share your opinions and suggestions. For instant email updates on posts, click the “Follow” icon on the side bar or Join the “A Loco Viva Voce” group on Facebook or follow on Twitter @alocovivavoce1.

PS: Words are an expression of opinion; WRITING is SPEAKING!

-OUR

Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY

Tagged as:

25 replies »

  1. Happy Birthday first of all.

    May the coming years be progressively better and blessed.

    Ok. That’s outta the way.

    Honestly I never understood the whole concept of going with the flow for MONTHS and not knowing where y’all stand!?

    Maybe it’s just me but if you’re spending a lotta time – over the course of months – with someone and yet they still ask you “what do you want?” when you ask em their stance on y’all, then I’d say that the person isn’t fully committed to you.

    I personally believe in black and white when it comes to relationships. Within a month to 6 weeks of continuous hanging, I wanna know what we are; Friends? Friends with benefits? Fashion Accessory? Personal Chauffeur? Part Time Therapist? Substitute Boyfriend? Parental Aggravator? . . . . . It’s just lets me know how much I should invest in the relationship and how to react to certain scenarios.

    If you spend a lotta time with someone and don’t get clarity early enough, it will promptly will drive you to bonkers when your assumptions are proven as false in the future.

    But hey maybe that’s just me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you seeking escape for your wishes.
      I would actually agree with you but the truth is our generation nowadays for some reason believe that there’s really no need to spell out the words anymore.
      This is probably why they don’t even bother to break up with you as well. When you haven’t heard from him in a week, you should pretty much get the point.
      Unfortunately, this “going with the flow” type relationship affects females a lot more than males because of the extra sensitivity.
      Like I said to Alexia, since she’s not comfortable with it then she needs to speak up and if he’s still dodgy then his answer is crystal clear.

      Like

  2. Men are hunters by nature and always want to protect their territory. A man who wants you all for himself will make sure, you know you are not “allowed” to date other men. If you ever have to ask a guy, you are not his girlfriend. This doesn’t mean she has to end whatever it is, she just has to take it casual like he is and stop stressing. Still be with him and go out on other dates , have fun with friends. If he does want the relationship, he will do something about it, if he doesn’t, then she has her answer.
    I may be old fashioned, but i think defining a relationship is up to the man. Unfortunately, that role sometimes get’s switched and women then to do more as soon as the couple gets married.

    Like

    • You are absolutely right Lydia. If its gone on for that long, maybe she was initially ok with the relationship being casual but now she wants more. But the question is “does he?”

      Like

      • She wanted more, and she did the right thing by trying to talk to him. It is a good idea to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and not expecting him to read your mind. However, his response and subsequent actions do not imply that he wants more. Again, she doesn’t have to give up, she can keep it casual until she finds someone that will care enough to let her know where she stands.

        Like

        • That pretty much sums it up. Whatever the case may be, he wants to be with her. But maybe the idea of “girlfriend” makes him feel trapped. Bottom line, since she wants more and he doesn’t, it’s up to her to make a decision about moving on with the casual thing till she finds something better like you said or walking out and being alone. Up to her!

          Like

  3. From what I’ve read, Alexia, you are in a relationship. The only problem is that you do not know where you stand.

    Since you feel hurt about his traveling without telling you, talk to him about it. Most importantly, talk to him about your relationship. You seriously need to know where you stand.

    Like

    • Thank you Karo’s storyblog for your comment. Alexia really needs to understand that she IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. Like you said, the issue is where exactly she stands. If she’s not comfortable with wherever that is at the moment, she MUST speak up!

      Like

  4. hello hello 😊
    Communication, communication, communication! Want to be heard?- Talk. Want to be understood?- Explain. Don’t let labels confine you or define you in anyway. Just be you and just be honest. Tell him you’re bothered by his behavior. Discuss why he doesn’t seem to think of his departure as a big deal.
    I think this lovely woman needs to be more decisive and openly discuss what she wants from this man. She seems a little vague. I’m not saying she should impose her opinions and views, but one must converse with their partner (regardless of the label; this concerns even friendships) and express their true feelings and thoughts (diplomatically and sincerely). Share it with them and come to a mutual conclusion. Mutual respect and genuine care is what makes for a healthy partnership and if you can’t achieve that with someone, if they aren’t comprehending the importance of it and you don’t feel that they are at your maturity level, then it’s not worth being with them. And perhaps it’s not even a matter of maturity, perhaps it’s merely a difference of thought (motivated by deeply ingrained habitual patterns and cultural/societal/environmental influences) which can prove hard to alter.
    So basically if you do discuss matters with him, say even several times, and you’re still not reaching a mutual happy place (you’re not on the same page) then that’s not the man for you. Point is you need to be brave and share your doubts and insecurities with your partner, and they in turn shouldn’t judge you for it, but listen and reason.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Touche Desi! I really don’t think this can be said any better. Everything boils down to communication. There’s no need second guessing your relationship Alexia. Get clarity. Talk to him until you get a specific answer. If it’s not one that sits well with you then make a decision and stick to it.

      Like

  5. Honestly speaking,Love grows and love just happens in ways we can’t think of,why don’t u ask him,and knw were you stand.

    Like

  6. Its quite unfortunate not knowing where u stand with a guy.. I know someone who has been in the same situation for 2 years.. ive encouraged her to ask the guy to put a label on it but shes scared.. I think alexia should just ask him to make his stance clear since that could save her from overthinking and a possible heartbreak.

    Like

    • Thank you Beckar for your comment. Two years is a very long time to be unsure. But I understand why your friend is scared. Some people would rather be lied to than told the truth. The truth is bitter!

      As for you Alexia, now you’ve seen how bad your situation can get if you let it drag on any longer. Make sure you get a get a stance so you can move on with or without him.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Web Based Management, I apologise for the issues you are currently having. However, I haven’t gotten any complaint similar to yours. It might be your Internet connection or your device. Kindly try opening the blog from a different device using a different internet connection. If the issue still persists then please alert me and I’ll get my tech guys to sort out the issue.

      Thank you for visiting the blog and I do hope you return 🙂

      Like

    • Hi again, I contacted support for this issue you have and here’s their response “Some issues that you encounter with your WordPress.com blog or account can be solved by changing your browser settings, refreshing the page, or clearing the browser cache and cookies”.

      So kindly try all 3 solutions and let me know if the problem is still unresolved.

      Thanks

      Like

  7. Before you speak about something important, you must ask your self what the purpose of the conversation is and what outcome you want out of it. With that in mind, you will not finish that conversation until you are satisfied you have met its purpose. His question of what do you want was an opportunity to tell him what you want, I wanna plan a future with you etc. If he turns out he wanted something else, it will hurt a little but at least you can start healing process earlier.
    2 week ago when he told you he was going away and you suspected he might be going. You should have asked if he wanted some company to make it more bearable. Life is too short to hold back from what you want in order to be cool and then get upset if being cool leaves you frustrated.

    Like

    • Oh my! This comment has hit an angle ladies in Nigeria usually avoid.

      Nigerian females feel it would be too forward and desperate to be open about your feelings to a guy especially before he opens up to you.

      I actually agree with you that she should have told him what she really wanted when he asked but then again, him asking at all makes her feel he’s not on the same page with her.

      And if he’s not on the same page with her, to me, that’s her queue to leave. You don’t really need him to spell it out anymore. Take the hint!

      Like

  8. Greetings! Very useful advice within this article! It is the little changes which will make the greatest changes. Thanks for sharing!|

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s