FEATURE FRIDAY

I NEED A JOB BUT MY HUSBAND WANTS A SON. HELP!

FeatureFriday

Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my advice or help on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

My name is Esther and I need your advice. I am a lawyer by profession and I have been married for over 4 years. Before I got married, I was working in a prestigious law firm as a practicing lawyer and was doing very well to the point that I was due to become partner. Then I got pregnant and everything came pouring down.

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I had the worst morning sickness ever! I felt very weak and was constantly throwing up. I couldn’t keep anything in and that eventually had a negative effect on my output at work to the point that they gave me the option of working from home.

I took the option (which was a lot easier for me) until I gave birth and resumed back in the office after my maternity leave. Three months after I resumed, I started feeling very weak and throwing up all over again. Then I went to the hospital and discovered that I was pregnant. AGAIN!

To be very honest with you, if I wasn’t a Christian, I probably would have aborted the pregnancy because my first child was barely 6 months old and I wasn’t even physically or emotionally ready to handle another one.

After the firm I work for found out I was pregnant again with similar if not worse symptoms with the first pregnancy, they placed me on an infinite leave without pay. So in order words, I got sacked!

Fast forward 3 years later, after I had searched and searched for a job with no success, I got a call from my former firm asking if I was available for employment. I said yes and they offered me a job.

This ought to be great news right? Except that my husband wants me to get pregnant again!. He says he wants a boy as we have two girls.

This is why I am writing to you. What do I do? How do I resume at this same firm (where I was laid off because of pregnancy issues) then get pregnant again almost immediately? Especially after they asked me if I was disposed and I answered yes – I thought I was.

If I had my way, I wouldn’t have any more kids so I can focus on my career. But my husband wants a son. How can I handle this? Being unemployed is not easy and I don’t want to have to go through it again. Please help me figure out what to do.

REPLY:

Dear Esther,

It is a pity that you find yourself in this predicament because to be honest it is completely out of your control. Here in Nigeria, women enter into what might be called a “one-sided” relationship or in your case, “one-sided marriage” where the man calls all the shots and the woman has absolutely no say.

I really wish I had an exact solution to your problem but all I can say is I hope your children grow up to appreciate the sacrifice you made for them.

For someone that almost made partner in a law firm, you must be really career driven and I totally understand how frustrating it must have been for you to be unemployed for so long.

Unfortunately, I’m not Western and I probably will never understand the idea of totally giving up your family and marital home to pursue a career. Remember, children need to grow up in a home filled with togetherness, unity and love. So do whatever you can to ensure you are not the reason they do not have that.

Given the society we live in, it will actually be very difficult for you to get out of this one with your husband since Nigerian men must have a “son” to function. But you can at least try negotiating with him. Ask him to give you a bit of time – a year perhaps before you get pregnant.

So you can sink your feet into the job and probably work out your annual leave to fall right before your maternity leave. That way you have about 4 to 5 months adjoined leave away from work part of which would be whilst pregnant.

I have seen this get done by a lot of pregnant women who want to prolong their maternity leave. So yes, it can be done!

This way, if you do get sick again whilst pregnant, you would only be working for the first few months and then take the remaining months off during your leave until you have your baby and eventually resume work.

And whatever you do, please take caution after you give birth so you DO NOT get pregnant again as soon as you did after your first pregnancy. Remember, you ovulate before you menstruate so please be very careful not to get carried away again.

I really do hope I have been of help and I wish you all the best.

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PS: Words are an expression of opinion; WRITING is SPEAKING!

-OUR

Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY

2 replies »

  1. There are two issues I see here – 1st, she needs to work it out with her husband. He needs to understand that she is more than an incubator for babies. The second is her relationship with her company. If I were her, I would be hesitant to risk my marriage for a company that has proven they do not care about her and can fire her anytime. Relationship with an employer is like a relationship with a man, if they find you valuable, they will take the extra step to make things work. People have 3 – 5 kinds at a job and don’t get fired. Jobs are hard, i understand but my point is this is not a company to risk your marriage for. No company is for that matter.

    Like

    • Thanks for your comment Lydia. I actually get where you’re coming from but for someone that has been unemployed for the past 3 years, she probably is quite desperate and clearly doesn’t have much of a choice.

      I’m pretty sure she would have taken any other job over this particular one because of the way they treated her.

      Above all, she has to talk to her husband and make him understand. I can’t help but wonder para venture she has another girl, will she keep getting pregnant over and over until she has a boy? Wonders of Nigerian men!

      Like

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