Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on firstname.lastname@example.org.
Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!
Greetings to you and thank you for this opportunity you have created for people like me to be able to share our burdens and also get counseled whilst remaining anonymous.
My name is Assumpta and I am in a REALLY BAD PICKLE! Before now, I dated a guy named Ugonna for a very long time. He was my childhood friend and also my everything – my companion and my VERY FIRST KISS.
We were there for each other in good and bad times. Even when he was dead broke, I was there to support and encourage him. Words cannot describe what we shared yet we never even had sex as I was saving myself until after marriage. So what Ugonna and I shared was beyond physical pleasures and attraction.
Three years ago, Ugonna and I kind of lost touch as he went away to hustle for better days and that was when I met Elvis. Elvis is a nice, sweet guy and he has been very good to me. He came around at the right time and filled the void that Ugonna left when we lost touch.
After three years of dating, Elvis asked me to marry him and then shortly after, Ugonna came back into my life and also asked me to marry him and that is where the problem began.
My first thought was YES, I would marry you (Ugonna). After all, I love this guy and we share so much history together. So yes, I would marry him at the twinkle of an eye.
Luckily for me, my family didn’t know about Elvis yet so it was easier to just tell them I was engaged to Ugonna and not Elvis but after they met Ugonna, it was another ball game.
Ugonna and I are from the same town but different villages so my parents and siblings simply did not approve of him just for that singular reason.
By the way, we are in no way related or our forefathers related but my parents for reasons best known to them felt I should not marry someone from the same town as me.
Although saddened, I held my ground and insisted on marrying him and decided I had to break the bad news to Elvis and that pretty up opened up another chapter in this book – my life.
After dropping the bomb on Elvis, he said nothing to me, got up, went to the trunk of his car, picked up hydraulics, opened it and was about to drink it before I jumped on him and snatched it away from him. Like that was not enough, he then ran into the house and picked up a bottle of DETTOL and tried to drink it. Luckily enough, I caught up with him and stopped him before he actually drank it. Then he pleaded with me with tears in his eyes and told me how much I meant to him and how he simply would rather die than live a day without me.
So my parents did not approve of Ugonna and my boyfriend threatened to commit suicide if I leave him. Sigh!
After careful consideration and deliberation, I came to the final conclusion that Elvis is the better choice for me. After all I actually do love him and I figured if Ugonna had stuck around and kept in touch all those years then I wouldn’t have even met Elvis in the first place. So it is his loss. Elvis is a great guy and he is really good to me and since my parents approve of him, I went ahead and married him.
So here I am, married to this amazing man for 2 months now but for some weird reason, I cannot stop thinking about my ex, Ugonna!
Even though I didn’t end up marrying him, he is still very much a part of my life. We talk on the phone everyday and even my husband has come to the realization that I cannot forget Ugonna in a rush.
This is why I am writing to you OUR. I AM STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH MY EX and I can’t seem to get over him. What do I do? Not that I do not love my husband because I do. He is a great guy! But… what I share with Ugonna is a real bond and it really annoys me that his only offense with my parents was that he was from the same town as me.
So who do I really belong with? Ugonna or Elvis? Please help me figure this out.
Wow! This is ONE BIG PICKLE! And I honestly don’t know where to start. But here goes..
Firstly, I am a very spiritual person and I believe that the devil is constantly waiting for that moment when he sees we are finally moving in the right direction God has ordained for us and then BOOM! He distracts us! And unfortunately most of us if not all of us tend to fall for that distraction.
Let me put it to you this way. After Ugonna went away and lost touch with you, why didn’t he come back after a year or two? Why did he have to come back THREE YEARS LATER after you had just recently gotten engaged to someone else?
Do you really think it is a coincidence?
Going by my spirituality, I would say that the devil had seen how you were finally putting your life in order and also seen how much of a blessing your union with Elvis would be and then he sent a distraction to derail you from the right path and unfortunately, that distraction is named Ugonna.
My philosophy in life is “Everything happens for a reason” and “Nothing on Earth (good or bad) happens without God’s permission”.
In other words, there is a reason Elvis was sent to you after Ugonna left. You could have met a John or a Joseph but instead you met Elvis. And until you figure out what the purpose of your union is, DO NOT LET HIM GO!
I know it will be tough but you must forget about Ugonna. Keeping in touch with him will keep bringing back thoughts of what might have been and that is not healthy for your marriage.
Imagine you leave Elvis for Ugonna and you still don’t end up together. You would wonder for the rest of your life how your life would have turned out if you hadn’t left. Or imagine you end up cheating on Elvis with Ugonna (which would probably happen if you keep Ugonna in your life) and then Elvis finds out and you get divorced but still don’t end up with Ugonna. Do you really think you can handle losing from both sides?
Like you said, Elvis is a great guy. Good guys are rare to find. So if you have a great one, focus on making new history with him and forget about what could have been with someone else.
Above all, always remember the 80/20 rule that states “The most you can ever get out of a relationship is 80% but most people leave 80% thinking they are getting something better and end up with only 20%”. And of course they regret that decision for the rest of their life.
I honestly believe IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE between you and Ugonna if not, it would have been. And you must believe God had a reason for that. Sooner than later, you will figure it all out. Until then, sit back relax and keep loving your husband.
I really hope I have helped you with your dilemma. I wish you all the best!
Feel free to comment and share your opinion and suggestions.
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Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY