Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.
Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!
Hello OUR,
I am a married woman and I live with my husband in a two bedroom apartment. I have been married for three years but do not have any kids yet as my husband and I are still waiting for God to bless us with children.
You would think this is the problem I have with my mother-in-law right? The fact that i don’t have kids? Actually, the reason i am writing to you is far from that.
My mother-in-law lives in the village and we live in the city. She comes to visit us quite often which i definitely do not have a problem with as she is welcome to our home anytime.
The only issue i have with her regular visits is the fact that whenever she comes, for whatever reason, my husband always asks me to evacuate our matrimonial bedroom for her. He makes me leave our room to sleep in the guestroom while him and his mother sleep in our bedroom.
I have wondered and thought to myself if it is normal to have a full grown man sleep with his mother in the same room especially when there is another room available but i am unable to reconcile it in my head.
I asked him why he does it and his response to me was “my mother and I are very close and she suffered so much for me growing up so the least I feel I owe her is to make her very comfortable. And if she feels more comfortable in our matrimonial bed? Then so be it”.
I was appalled after i got his response. So appalled that i decided enough is enough!
The next time she visited, i deliberately went to bed earlier than usual and tucked myself under the covers pretending to be asleep.
When it was time for her to go to bed, could you believe my husband came to wake me up from my pretend sleep telling me that i should go to the other room so “mama” can come to bed?
I couldn’t believe my ears. I literally thought i was dreaming.
Anyway, just for peace to reign, i did as i was told and mama actually came to bed while i slept in the guest room as usual.
Please OUR, tell me what i can do. I have endured this for three years but it is becoming ridiculous. What will happen when we have kids? How will I explain to them that daddy sleeps in the same room with grandma whenever she’s around and not mummy? Does that even sound like something anyone should say out loud?
Kindly advise on what i should do to save the situation because i am really getting tired of the entire thing.
REPLY:
Hello reader,
Oh my! This is a really weird situation. Allow me to actually blame you for this mess you have found yourself in.
Are you really saying you have dealt with this for THREE WHOLE YEARS? Let’s be honest, if you could really deal with it for three years, how come you have a problem with it all of a sudden?
If me as a random person can have this thought, now imagine your husband and his mother who are already comfortable and have been getting away with it for the past three years.
Let me just emphasize my point for readers out there. However you want your relationship/marriage to be in the long run is the same way you have to start it. You cannot permit a particular behavior from the beginning and then few years later decide you have had enough and really expect the person to act like a robot and do as you have said. It really doesn’t work that way.
The damage has been done now let’s proffer a solution.
You just have to put your foot down on this matter. DO NOT concede to them. Tell your husband that you will no longer tolerate such behavior. Talk to him politely but yet sternly. Insist your mother-in-law should sleep in the guest room and refuse to leave your room for her.
If your insistence still doesn’t work then you should threaten to report the matter to your people. I am pretty sure that would be the end line because i doubt they would be comfortable with such ridiculous story getting into the ears of others.
Let me just say that you have absolutely no business talking to his mother about this matter. You know how men are with their mothers so make sure you relate only to him on this so you don’t end up being accused of disrespecting her.
I really hope this helps you sort out your situation. Thank you for sharing.
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-OUR
Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY
A Loco Viva Voce 
Hello,
This is my first time of commenting on this wonderful blog.
Well to your topic today its sounds like a two way thing. Yesterday I was with a friend (female), and we started talking about parents family and all that, when she said, well she loves her dad more than her mum or any man in the world and she has not seen any man that can come between her relationship with her dad. I was wowed because its so scary (becuase she is more free with him and her tells her things he can’t tell the mum). When I asked even your husband?. To my surprise she said that man be like her dad. Hmmmm, I was. Speechless. So what will happen when she does not see a man like her dad in future?
Now back to your topic, I really blame the man because no matter how you love your mum, haba its totally insane for you to share your matrimonal bed with your mum. Unless there is a really urgent situation and she needs to sleep in your room (My opinion) If he wants that why did he get married, he should stay with the mum and keep having breast milk. There is no excuse on earth that will make a man tell the woman that will give him his own linage to leave their bedroom and sleep somewhere else because of the mum. (That’s really a cave man, lol). So the likes of Kanu’s , Okocha’s etc, that mother’s help to be stars should be sharing there bed’s too now.
So because she suffered for him so she must sleep own his matrimonal bed. (Nah only him mama suffer for abeg)
My sister, please I believe you are a praying christian and you go to church, your pastor should know about this becos to me its not normal oooooo. So because marriage nah better for worse you go dey make water enter your nose when you wear life jacket for inside stream.
Cheers
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Oh my! Sopiriala! Thank you for this comment. You literally just made me laugh out loud while reading.
You are actually right in every aspect. I doubt it is ordinary. Yes she suffered for him but which mother hasn’t? That is definitely not an excuse for her to sleep in their matrimonial room.
Even if she must, why does the husband insist on sleeping with her? Let’s assume their matrimonial bed is so comfortable that she has to sleep on it. Why doesn’t he leave her be and sleep with his wife in the guest room?
It all really sounds shady to me. People are close to their parents but this is definitely out of the box and very weird. I doubt I can ever come around to understanding it.
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Hmmmmm… I find this weird too. But nevertheless, whatsoever kneel down to God in prayers. Then go talk to your husband, make him know you are not comfortable with his act. You would be fired back at; maybe for your inability to give birth or something that would make you spark up angrily , regret ever talking to him or crying your balls out. But you have to calm and believe in the power of a praying woman. NEVER GIVE UP
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Thank you Oge for your comment. She really needs to pray about this because it is not normal. But whatever the case may be, she should not end up fighting and quarrelling about the matter. Clearly, he won’t take her side.
Let her make her stand known sternly without disrespecting anyone or causing a scene. God help her!
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well my wife i we avices u to live the man infact am ready to marry u give u as much of children which u want i can that the man body is not working with u own u are not the forth the forth is from ur husband and her mother dey are the one holding ur worb ok pl for ur favour trying to see me ok
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I’m truly appalled by this story. From the very first visit this behaviour should not have been tolerated. It is totally unheard of for a married man to bounce his wife from their matrimonial bed for his mother, or anyone else. She has to have a conversation with her husband and put her foot down, albeit politely.
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Thank you for your comment Dr Ibiela. It really is unheard of. She has condoned it for too long that her speaking up now almost seems like she’s making a fuss about nothing. However, things really do need to change and that can only happen if she puts her foot down.
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There is something seriously wrong here! Point blank. They need to get to the root of the cause!
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Lol Jacqueline. You sound so stern! But you have every reason to be! Something is definitely wrong and she needs to really get to the bottom of it. I wish her all the best.
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My dear, there are some issues that should not be treated with kids gloves, if not the water will surely enter the pumpkin and by the time she gets to realize it a whole lot has gone wrong! Better to take a stand and begin to look for her black goat before night comes. I wish her the best.
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Lol @ looking for her black goat. Sounds really funny but makes a lot of sense. She has definitely let a lot of water into the pumpkin but something can still be done. She needs to act now and fast!
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I wish this was the forum to advise on some Ninja acts that I had to perform a hundred years ago 😉
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Lmao @ that’s hilarious! I really can imagine those ninja acts you speak of. This is a very crazy situation and frankly no one can be blamed for dusting out their ninja costumes. Lol
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Am sorry to say, how would she get pregnant when maybe during her ovulation her mother inlaw keeps visiting to sleep in the same room with her son? Its bettet she runs for the church now before its too late, even the mother is she stupid, she was once a wife or might still be, if some was to walk her from her matrimonial bed how will she feel. Make she go check wetin she don do for the son head. Na only she suffer 4 him pikin?
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Well said Viviluv. She probably isn’t getting pregnant because the mother in law coincidentally is around whenever she is ovulating especially since she visits often.
Whatever the case may be, dying in silence CANNOT be the solution here. She needs to speak up and take a stand to their knowing. It just has to stop!
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Something is amiss here.
1) mother could have slept with her daughter in law if she doesn’t want to sleep by herself- women sleep together right?
2) husband could have updated the guest room into something mother can sleep in
3) mother could have brought a bed companion if she doesn’t like sleeping alone
4) mother could have worst case scenario slept in main bedroom by herself whilst they manage the guest room
Mother sleeping with son is an absolute no-no. I usually hesitate to attribute stuff to diabolical means but in this case, I am concerned if mama sleeping with her son doesn’t have an issue with your not conceiving after 3 years, either through ovulation theory as someone said earlier or JUJU. Naaaa mehn. You better talk to someone (spiritual elder or your mum).
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Thanks for your comments Laydeelarz. There is absolutely no explanation for his actions. It is totally unheard of and it being diabolical cannot be farfetched.
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Sometimes when we love some people we end up becoming there slaves but yet they don’t see that they are mistreating us because they have gotten used of the “she loves me she can’t go anywhere “.
My advice will be tell him to choose between you or your mother .Married is not about surviving ,it’s about living it to the fullest . Since you sound a Christian I believe God can’t be upset with you because it’s written “this is why a man leaves his father and mother to unite with the wife”.
My sister your mother in law maybe she is trying to get pregnant by him so that in case he dies she will be the owner of his properties while you will be chanced like a dog.
The truth I can tell you is that us men mostly obey what our mothers say in our marriage because we believe they are more experienced than us ,so you need to fight for your position as a wife and not a masters concubine .
It more than hurt seen those you love do such to you but to get over it start slow ,if it’s to Blake up with him start now and allow your heart to forget about him then after maybe three months tell him out that you don’t want that marriage to continue ,but be careful because it’s hard for a slave to loose free from the masters hand.
May God see you through this .
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Thanks for your comments Moses. You’re so correct about people taking advantage of others because they know the other person cares a lot.
That is clearly the case here especially since she has tolerated it for too long so they got comfortable.
Let me just say that as much as it’s a good idea to give him an ultimatum, she needs to make sure she is ready to deal with the consequences of him picking his mother over her.
Let us remember that for someone that listens to everything his mother says, the idea of him picking his mother over his wife is not farfetched.
She must have a serious talk with him about it and if he’s still adamant, threaten and possibly report him to a religious person and then to her people.
She shouldn’t condone a second longer of this illicit behaviour. Enough is enough!
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Gosh!!! Wonder shall never cease, What have you being looking at since 3years?pls,you have to act fast, you must take it to God in prayer, fight for your home and victory is yours!
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It is really appalling Debby. Wonders shall really never cease. She really has to act fast now!
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This is quite an interesting story and a very rare one. I believe there’s more to the relationship than just the normal mother and son relationship we are used to.
I would like to encourage her to be more prayerful and also sit and discuss with her husband how she feels about the whole situation. Hope it works out well at the end. Wish you the very best.
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Happy new year Coco. Quite an interesting story indeed. I still cannot get over it. There definitely is more to their relationship than meets the eye and I certainly hope the situation is sorted out now. It’s very unheard of but oh well!
Thanks for reading!
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Im dealing w a goblin family (my husbands) also. His grotesque mom AND his sister are always calling or showing up at his job w some bs story. Their ultimate goblin goals are for him to move in w them!!!! They have actually been in the kitchen naked (just waiting for him to walk in) and these lowlifes actually act shocked, like this was some unexpected thing…bitch you planned it, like was it really difficult to cover all the droopy droops hanging all over your pathetic crusty asses (btw, the sister will bathe, but oh hell no the mom wont bathe at ALL). They all live in this ghetto/dirty nasty broke ass old house and they are so lazy, they refuse to get off their sloppy asses to clean it. Thats another reason they want my husband. to shack up w them, as they ask him to clean ( hich he does). They are rejected outcasts! They LOVE to freeload!!!!! Every damn time we break up, he lets them freeload alot!!!! Anyways, his mom will say she fell and needs to go to the hospital (just to get him there) and when he gets there, her horny troll ass says im fine now. Really, how do you heal that quick? Oh, thats right you are a pathetic horny hog that makes up shit. Im not sure whats going on as far as he is concerned but ik for a fact that his mom and sister are hot as hell for him!!!! Plus eh sis has olny had ONE boyfriend her whole entire life…and wow that was thirty fucking yrs ago!!! Plus. pops is dead, so yeah…they want the “husband treatment” real fucking bad!!! I have never known of such freaks in real life….untill these sloppy rejects!!! Ps, after our baby was born the mom kept begging him to live w her!! Seems to me, that this ghetto goblin should exert what energy she has into getting bathed (not laid). Oh , and she tries to mask her funk w cheap ten dollar perfume, lmao!!!! Old crotch rot needs more help to hide that crust!
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