FEATURE FRIDAY

HE LOCKED ME OUT BUT WANTS TO MARRY ME. HELP!

FeatureFridayHello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

My name is Alondra and I need your advice. About a year ago, I met a guy here in Nigeria. He lives abroad but we met during one of his long vacations and we hit it off almost immediately then started dating shortly after. Few months into dating, I got pregnant. Although he wanted me to keep the pregnancy, he wasn’t really bent on getting married just yet.

My mother on the other hand would not hear of it. She insisted that we should not welcome the idea of having a child outside wedlock. After a little bit of pressure from our parents, he finally went ahead and did the introduction to my family members stating that he was the one responsible for the pregnancy and has intentions to marry me in the near future.

This introduction finally put the mind of my mum to rest since we were on the right track leading to marriage.

My “fiancé” in the making, went back to work in his country of base while I remained here in Nigeria, PREGNANT!

Six months went by and it was time for me to travel abroad (a different country from his) to have my baby. After my baby was born, we stayed a few months then went over to the country where he resides to visit him so he can get a chance to see his newborn son.

(Please note that this time when my son and I went to visit him is the first time we both were not only living together but also staying in the same place for a long period of time).

It was during that visit that reality more or less hit me.

As time went on while we were living together, I realized that he not only had a really bad temper but he would get upset over the slightest thing and I had to brace myself for a few days before I speak to him or even ask him for a favor or for finances for our son.

This behavior was the exact opposite of the sweet and loving man I fell in love with back in Nigeria while we were dating.

His temper is so bad that there was one time he got very upset over pretty much nothing and locked my son and I out of his house on the streets. I had to go to a friend’s house to spend the night so my son doesn’t get exposed to the cold.

After that incident, it dawn on me that not only was he a BEAST but also completely inhumane and callous. As a result, I decided it would be better to live as a single mum than to endure another second of his torture and ill treatment.

That was until I returned back to Nigeria and heard the cries and pleas he had been raining down on my people even before my arrival. He says he is sorry and wants to go ahead with the marriage plans if I would have him.

The question now is WHAT DO I DO? My gut is telling me to walk away but then I’m currently unemployed and with a brand new baby. How do I take care of him and me too? But then my so called “fiancé” treats me so badly and frankly I’m only considering going back simply because of our son.

Please advise on what I should do. Walk away or go ahead with the marriage? I need your help!

REPLY:

Hello Alondra,

To be honest, your situation isn’t quite tough if you ask me. You should actually be very grateful to God that you hadn’t even married such a man that could have the mind to lock his own son out in the cold regardless of whatever you might have done to cause his anger.

That is definitely not husband material and all I can say to you is run while you still can.

Yes, you will be left to cater for your son by yourself but rather than getting married to a callous man in order to be able to provide for your son, why don’t you urge him to support HIS SON from a distance while you get a job and cater for yourself.

Don’t use your son as an excuse to go back him. Go out there and get a job for yourself. You have parents that can support you for now while you’re trying to get a job. And when you do get a job, endeavor to live within your means.

Clearly, you are used to a certain lifestyle which is why you are probably even considering going back to him in the first place. But forget about what you’re used to and live within your means.

The fact that you are considering going back to him simply because of your son is ABSOLUTELY WRONG. I believe one should get married out of love and not compulsion.

I hope this helps you sort out your situation. Thanks for sharing.

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-OUR

Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY

8 replies »

  1. Well,dear one I understand how you feel,considering the society we belong,and the issue of single mother…you deserve to be happy never the less,getting pregnant in the first place was a mistake,but your son isn’t a mistake,his born into greatness,first and foremost you must consider if you love your fiancée,to the extent you can take any shit from him,no one is perfect,love should be your yard stick in deciding,marriage isn’t a bed of roses it requires patience and tolerance,if he starts such behaviors even before getting married then you should raise your eye brows and really think if Hez worth it.

    Like

    • I agree Dami. Thanks for your comments. She really needs to evaluate and rethink the entire marriage to her fiancé and avoid going into it for anything other than love.

      With love naturally comes tolerance, patience and understanding. So if she doesn’t love him then she definitely wouldn’t take his BS.

      Like

  2. HI,

    I agree you have the well being of your son to think of but at what expense? your life and his? You guys aren’t even married yet and this man behaving like this. A man who locks you and his baby out in the cold???. Hmmm. in the end, it all depends on you and what you want and what you can DEAL with..

    Epiphany29.com

    Like

    • Well said Gracey. Thanks for your comments. I agree with you that she has to think about the wellbeing of her son first. There’s no point going into a marriage when you already have convincing doubts.

      Like

  3. My sister took a lot of beating, cursing, emotional abuse, stealing from her, buying stuff (using her credit and not paying back) from her husband. Until he kicked her out of the house after midnight of a winter night with a 1yr+ old baby, knowing she doesn’t drive and her family lives more than 25 miles away. That for was a wake up call and she never went back. We woke up the following morning to calls from his family and him from begging to have her back to blaming her for the fight to claiming there was no fight it was all in her head to threatening us.

    Sweetheart, think of your baby if not yourself. It is better to be poor and content than to be well off without piece of mind.

    Also, going forward, approach with caution when you meet with these “out of town guys”. If it takes 1 month to get to know a guy that lives close by, assume it takes 3 months with an out of town guys. This should also include visiting that person in their natural habitat and observing how they treat others especially people that mostly annoy them.

    Like

    • I’m really sorry your sister had to endure this Laydeelarz. It was quite unfortunate.

      And I agree with you 100% that women need to visit a guy in his place of abode and comfort zone. Hang out with him and his friends and get to know him better.

      People act quite differently when they’re outside their comfort zone. So get in there with him before you even think of getting married and the lot.

      Like

      • What doesnt break you makes you stronger. My sister definitely became a stronger version of her old self. Diamonds go thru intense pressure and heat and freshwater pearls came about as a result of an irritants. Like all rare gems, she goes thru circumstances that will bring out the gem in her.

        Like

      • That’s absolutely fantastic to hear. I’m so happy she was able to bounce back without allowing it break and defeat her.

        At least for the sake of her children. They need one sane parent to say the least.

        Liked by 1 person

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