Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on firstname.lastname@example.org.
Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!
My name is Sarah and I have been married for a year now. My husband is a Pastor and we have a lovely son together. The fact that my husband is a Pastor makes him a very wonderful and religious person which I admire so much but for whatever reason, he doesn’t like me having family around.
Let me give you some instances.
In the city we live in, I have only two family members. Both are my male cousins who are also married with a child each. One of them is quite dependable but the other one is a loner and doesn’t really like to mingle with anyone.
For the one that likes to mingle, is it a crime to visit him every now and then and have him come visit as well?
There was a time when my husband traveled for two weeks and my cousin and his wife were planning on coming to visit during this time to know our new house as we just moved.
Could you believe my husband made me blatantly lie to my cousin and his wife telling them that we traveled with him so that they would cancel their visit? Even when we go to visit them, he doesn’t let me go by myself. He insists he goes with me and doesn’t even let us stay for more than an hour before he says we have to leave.
I have asked him if there is anything wrong with that particular cousin of mine and his wife. Maybe as a Pastor, God revealed something to him that he is not telling me. But he says that there is nothing and that he just doesn’t like having people around.
Since when did my family become “people”?
Even for me to go visit my parents is an issue. I have to give him a novel of reasons why I want to go and also give him an exact date of when I would be returning which shouldn’t be more than a week except I am asking for trouble.
Over the years we dated and the one year we’ve been married, I have come to realize that he is a very authoritative person and likes to have his way with everything.
Even up to the age our son should start school, he is very bent on having his own way and making all the decisions without necessarily considering my own opinion.
As a good wife, I have tried to be understanding and tolerant but I draw the line with him trying to have his way by keeping me away from my family.
My question to you is how can I possibly manage the situation without causing any issues with him? I am a family person and I would love my son to grow up having his cousins around just like I did but he clearly isn’t a family person and would prefer to be on his own. So how can I get him to turn around without seeming like I am disrespecting my husband or going against his wish? Please help!
All of these you have mentioned are the perks of getting married. Personally, I am not really a family person myself. I mean I love my mum and all but I don’t really like having people around per se but then again there is absolutely nothing wrong with visiting every now and then like you rightly said.
Clearly, before you resulted to sending in your story, you must have exhausted other options like speaking to him and trying to make him understand your plight of which all most likely proved abortive.
Now my advice to you as much as you wouldn’t like to hear it is to DO AS YOUR HUSBAND HAS SAID AND STOP RAISING FRIVOLOUS ISSUES.
To be honest with you, you most likely will not win in this situation as it will become a huge problem if he finds out you went against him and saw your cousin at his back.
It’s not like he said don’t visit. He simply said “don’t visit without him”. Even about your parents, he never said don’t visit them either. He simply said “don’t stay too long”.
In as much as these people are your family and all, you cannot under any circumstance pick them over your husband. Not even your mother. After all, it’s not like he is a bad husband or a terrible father, he just doesn’t like having people around.
Find a way to live with it and be careful not to make the wrong decision and end up causing avoidable problems in your home all because of your cousin or parents who are happily married and probably wouldn’t even do the same for you.
I hope I have been of help to you. Thanks for sharing!
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