FEATURE FRIDAY

SHOULD I GO ON A VACATION WITH AN EX? HELP!

Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

My name is Atinuke and I need your advice. Early last year, I dated a guy for about a year. When I met him, he was very sweet and exactly the kind of guy I needed. But as time went by, he completely changed and became the total opposite of the person I fell in love with.

Early this year (a year into our relationship), I realized that things were not the way they should be, so I gradually pulled away from him. I stopped calling, stopped going to see him, stopped sleeping with him and basically just started acting as though I was not in a relationship with him anymore.

After I pulled away, we went incommunicado for a while. I guess he got used to me constantly calling that it took him TWO WEEKS to finally get in touch with me and all he could say was he was calling to say “hi”.

Fast forward six months after what I would assume was our “breakup”, he only called sparingly and as always was simply calling to check on me and say “hi”.

Although he had tried to see me a few times during these six months, I never gave him the chance until few weeks ago when he finally came to see me and things kind of got confusing.

For some strange reason, he acted completely different when we saw. He acted like the same guy I fell in love with a year ago. He was very loving and caring now and showed interest in matters that concerned me – the total opposite of the guy I broke up with.

Not only was he sweet and caring, he also invited me on a trip to a resort where him, his cousins and friends were going for the weekend.

As silly as this might sound, I am actually torn between going on the trip and not going.

The thing is that when the going was good for us, it was REALLY good and I must admit that I miss those times. And since it seems like he has changed for the better, do I accept his invitation and maybe use this as an opportunity to start the relationship afresh?

Please help!

REPLY:

Hello Atinuke,

I perceive from your story that you really want to go on this trip. And to be honest, even if I tell you not to, you most likely would.

All I am going to do in reply to you is to lay out the pros and cons of going on that trip and as an adult, I expect you pick whichever works best for you.

PROS:

Not only would you enjoy yourself on the trip, you would probably have the best time of your life. He would see to that!

You most likely would rekindle your romance and end up kicking off where you both left off in the relationship.

CONS:

After the trip, he goes back to his old ways and still expects you to do the calling and keeping in touch.

Down the road, you realize that the entire trip was all just a show to get in bed with you and you regret that decision for the rest of your life.

You also discover that he only pretended to have changed just to trick you as payback for absconding from the relationship.

You completely make a fool of yourself in front of his cousins and friends when you get all cozy and intimate with him yet they are probably all in on it and are also probably aware that he wants absolutely nothing to do with you afterwards.

These are the pros and cons I foresee if you go on that trip.

Like I said, as an adult, I expect you to make a rational decision by picking whichever works best for you bearing in mind that you would have to live with the consequences (good or bad).

I wish you all the best. Thanks for sharing!

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-OUR

Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY

13 replies »

  1. Well, Viva you said it all in the Pros and Cons.
    But I must point something out, officially she never broke up with him. She only assumed they have broken up bcos they stopped been in touch and stopped seeing each other.

    In a relationship, that’s the most hurtful way to part with your lover.

    Like

  2. Well, Viva you said it all in the Pros and Cons.
    But I must point something out, officially she never broke up with him. She only assumed they have broken up bcos they stopped been in touch and stopped seeing each other.

    In a relationship, that’s the most hurtful way to part with your lover.

    Read my latest blog post wunderkidblog.com/minna-fashion-week-2015/

    Like

    • You are very correct wunderkidp. Closure is really important whenever you end a relationship. She should have said something to him rather than absconding the way she did.

      I strongly believe he’s planning a major payback. Hope she’s smart enough not to fall for it.

      Like

  3. Guys can be very difficult to understand. Personally I have had experience of a boyfriend who does not really all the time., but today we are married with two kids and very happy.
    My advice is that she should go on the trip, and pour out her mind for the guy. Then watch what will happen.

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    • Interesting opinion Clara. I am happy you and your boyfriend were able to work it all out into marriage but going by your advice, she can also pour out her heart to him before going on that trip.

      So she can watch his reaction and make sure he’s not playing games. If she’s convinced then she could go ahead. Otherwise, she has got a lot more to lose as opposed to him so I suggest she does without that trip.

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  4. I think the problem here is communication? Does he know what you want from him? If what he wants from you is a good time and he assumes that is what you want to. Is he really to blame. It is time you lay your cards fully on the table.
    1) I want a fully committed relationship that should hopefully head towards marriage if we are compatible
    2) I want you to act like you are in a fully committed relationship and not rely only on me to make all the moves
    3) I want you to introduce me to people as someone you are in a fully committed relationship. I don’t want to be your secret. I want close friends and family to know what we are to each other
    4) I would like for you to come meet my father and be able to speak/ communicate with him- players tend to run away from this one.

    This is likely to make him run the other way. Which will spare you future drama and speculation. If he does run, then grab your friends and go away with them to the place they are going to a couple of weeks later (after they plan to) and enjoy a fab time.

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    • I agree with you 100% Laydeelarz. A lot of these situation arise due to lack of communication. She’s dying in silence while he’s probably just out to have a good time.

      I believe in putting people on the spot because that way, they can’t really dodge the bullet. But then again, everyone has their own tactic. So I wish her all the best.

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