FEATURE FRIDAY

MY HUSBAND IS LIVING WITH HIS MOTHER. HELP!

Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

My name is Irene and my mother-in-law is a torn in my flesh. Right from the get go, she never liked me but my now husband insisted on marrying me then probably because I was pregnant and he utterly refused to have a child outside wedlock.

Fast forward to life after marriage, I had a baby boy, everything seemed great until my husband lost his job due to his lackadaisical attitude and I had to resume work when our son was barely ONE MONTH OLD.

After my husband lost his job, rather than go out and look for something else to do, he would always go to his mother’s house (which was a stone throw from ours) with our son.

This continued until our son was seven months old and unbeknownst to me, during these visits, my husband shared all of my personal secrets (which I confided in him about) with his mother and sister.

Seeing this as an avenue to finally convince her son against me, his mother grabbed it and used it to the fullest. She subsequently fed him with a lot of negativity about me and finally, he succumbed to her and turned against me; continuously supporting his mother whether or not she was wrong.

A day to our one year anniversary, while we were at his mother’s house, we got into a little squabble of which my husband was obviously wrong but blatantly refused to apologize for his wrongdoings UNTIL he was instructed to do so by his mother.

I know it is probably a good thing that she asked him to apologize to me BUT it made me even more furious that his mum had to be the one to tell him to apologize before he did.

That got me really upset and I refused his apology which in turn got his mother upset and next thing, she ordered her son and her daughter to take my son away from me and they literally kicked me out of the house.

This was like a dream! Or a bad Nigerian movie!

Suddenly, the beast came out of me and I believe I must have run mad for a few minutes. All hell was let loose. I screamed, cried, threw tantrums, all in the bid for them to release my child to me.

With all proving abortive, I resulted to screaming out loud that the child wasn’t his and he needed to give me back MY son. This really wasn’t true as he is indeed the biological father of our son but I had to say what I had to say just to get my son back.

Anyway, that finally did the trick and at about 12AM (midnight), my son was released to me BUT this occurrence caused a big rift between my husband and I as I just couldn’t trust him anymore.

My husband in turn apparently was upset with me because of the way I “spoke to his mother” and he literally bottled up on his part which eventually made him move in with her.

As I write to you OUR, it has been SEVEN MONTHS and my husband is still living with his mother and apparently said he couldn’t care less about the marriage anymore all because I “crossed the line” with the way I spoke to his mother.

I have begged and begged. I even went to his friends and other family members to put in a word for me to him but my plea fell on deaf ears. I called him almost every other second for the first five months but it still didn’t change anything.

Now it turns out that the job I had been working so hard to secure for him while we were still together finally pulled through and now that he is employed, he has been seen several times with different girls gallivanting all across town.

This is my life OUR. What is your candid opinion?

REPLY:

Hello Irene,

Oh my! Things really are happening in this life. I can only imagine what you are going through. First and foremost, I must ask you to remain strong. You need to pull it together and more or less expect the worst which is the fact that he may never come back.

I am actually glad that you are working and able to provide for your son. It would have been a lot more disastrous if he left you without a job and any means to fend for yourself.

Now, there are two things happening here.

One is that he is clearly a mama’s boy and to be honest, there is very little you can do about that except adjust to the situation.

Second is that he really believed you when you said the child wasn’t his and as a result, he feels betrayed by you hence his frivolity.

Although it would be extremely difficult (now that he is no longer living with you) to convince him that the child is really his, the best bet would probably be a DNA test.

I am guessing he left some of his belongings behind. Maybe a toothbrush, a hair comb or hair brush, nail clippings, something carrying his DNA. Take it to the lab along with your son and get a paternity test then mail the result (soft and hard copy) to him , his mother and sister.

My hope is that if they all know for a fact that the boy really is his child, they might have some level of empathy and start acting right.

Bear in mind that the fact that he moves back in with you doesn’t necessarily mean that he would stop being a mama’s boy. Like I said, you just have to learn to deal with it. That is if you choose to remain married to him.

But if upon seeing the DNA result, he still wants nothing to do with you and his son then all I can say is you just have to find a way to move on.

I know it would be tough but you can’t keep chasing him forever.

Focus on you and your son and who knows, you just might meet someone else who would love you both regardless of your son not being his.

Once again, I am really sorry for what you’re going through and I sure hope I have been of help. Thanks for sharing!

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PS: Words are an expression of opinion; WRITING is SPEAKING!

-OUR

Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY

12 replies »

  1. My dear, sometimes, even some mothers manipulate their sons in diabolic manners. I have an auntie who had some terrible experiences and it was when the mother in law was so sick and about to kick the bucket that she made her confessions. If you are not in a close relationship with your God, then I suggest you get as close to him as possible. Stop begging! Try to rebuild your life and make something of yourself as an individual (add on to that which you already are). A close friend of mine had similar in-law issues with her husband, they took her two kids and kicked her out, she went on to try and pick herself up (it wasn’t easy) but I am happy to say that after 6 years of separation, they are back together and had another baby right after reconciling. Look UP!

    Like

    • I think the worst part of it all is taking your kids from you. At that point in your life, your kids are pretty much all you live for and you can imagine all the negative things they would say to them about you.

      It’s quite unfortunate that we find ourselves in this situation quite frequently and I often wonder who is to blame.

      Are the mothers really overbearing? Or are the men secretly fueling their behaviour? It really beats me that one could see wrong and yet refuse to call it.

      I really wish her and every other woman experiencing the difficulty of a mother in law all the best.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, this is a difficult one. I think u should realise that it’s a no win situation for u. If u reconcile wit ur husband he still remains a mamas boy and ur separation has its far reaching conciquences on u and ur son. Pray about it for God’s direction cos if ur husband doesn’t see things from ur perspective then u might consider the option of single parenthood. Take heart and leave it solely in God’s hands

    Like

    • Well said Eddie. Thanks for your comments. She sure needs to consider the option of being a single parent and put it all to God in prayers. That’s her best bet at the moment.

      Like

  3. Ok first and foremost, this is marriage, and it can come with its complications. Some might be not so bad, some might even be ridiculously absurd like your situation. The only thing I know is that at the end of the day, things turn out for the better. Consider this as your storm. It’s up to you to affirm to yourself that “I’ll win this”. Next step is how do you win this, one sure route I know: like Jacqueline said, look up! I don’t mean to sound cliche but Prayers work wonders. You should try a lot of it. With that, you’ll have the strength to pick yourself up because you’re all your son have. All the best!

    Like

    • Very good advice The Naija Teacher. She definitely needs God’s intervention in this situation. God needs to pull him closer to her and away from anyone who might pose a threat to her marriage. God help her!

      Like

  4. Well I feel pity for this young lady, my word to u ‘BUILD UR LIFE n don’t stare too long at a closed door cos u will miss to see there’s an opened window ‘ I know there’s no marriage without its down side but ladies please know that d Peace in your home is worth more than winning an argument

    Like

    • Wow Teegeez! Your last comment keeps resonating in my head – “the peace in your home is worth more than winning an argument”. That is so very true!

      Most times, we are more concerned about being right than being wise. The phrase agree to disagree is also very true in this context.

      Thank you for your comments and I wish her and others in the same predicament all the best.

      Like

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