Today’s topic is a very interesting question. As we know, MEN and their cheating habits are incorrigible so a lot of people tend to generalize cheating with 99.99% of men believing that the 0.01% that apparently “don’t cheat” have just not being caught YET.
Personally, I believe it depends on the individual BUT I have learned NEVER to vouch for a man. EVER! Otherwise, be prepared to meet the shock of your life!
Quite recently, I came across two very interesting comments by two socialites in two different parts of this world who seemingly share the same perspective on MEN.
The first comment was from a Kenyan socialite, Huddah Monroe. Read her comments in the image below.
So Huddah thinks all men cheat and that one would be silly to actually leave a cheating husband because the next man you marry will most likely cheat as well.
The second comment is from an African American actress, Mo’Nique. Mo’Nique talked about the advantages of having an open relationship with your partner. Read her comments below.
“The person that you stood up and you said ‘for better, for worse, sickness and in health, richer or poorer’ you took those vows in front of the universe. If you don’t live by them, then maybe you shouldn’t have taken them. And when you say ‘a pass to cheat’… see when you’re with your best friend and you say to your best friend ‘I’m having these feelings about this person, sexually and I wanna share it with you’.. when you’re best friends, you can have those open and honest conversations.”
“Often times people cheat because of something their not getting. But when you have open and honest dialogue and you say we’re just human beings and all these people on the face of the earth, do you think my eyes won’t ever say ‘he’s fine’ or ‘she’s attractive’. Now if you wanna go further with it, let’s be honest enough to have those conversations. What is it about that person that you find that you wanna sleep with? Because they may give you something that I’m simply not willing to do. And if that’s the case, how can I be mad? Because I’m not gon’ do it. Should I deprive you of not having it? That’s when the relationship is real real.”
Now these two comments REALLY got me thinking.
I literally took a moment to reminisce on my past relationships and asked myself how many of those relationships was I actually cheated on? I also pondered on Mo’Nique’s theory and wondered “if applied”, would it mean I might have still been in a relationship with the cheater?
When I was done reminiscing, it turned out that TWO of my ex boyfriends cheated or rather, TWO of them got caught.
One of them cheated because I moved away and he claimed not to be used to having me around so he sought solace in the arms of another female while the other had always been a cheat from the get-go.
Then it occurred to me that I have actually somewhat already been in an open relationship with an EX or rather he was in an open relationship with me but there was no way in hell I was allowed to step out on him.
To be honest, it is not like we sat and agreed that he could sleep with other women and it would be okay with me but rather, I was so young and caught up in what I thought was love at the time that anytime he cheated, he would come back telling me how it meant nothing to him and I knew I was the only true one for him.
So I guess after a while, I actually started believing him when he said “I was the only one for him” and I became okay with him cheating. Not okay per se BUT it became a routine. He cheats, he begs, I forgive, we makeup, he cheats again. It literally was a vicious cycle!
Now, going by Huddah’s comments, did I leave a cheating man only to end up with another (even worse) cheating man, YES!
As a matter of fact, the reason I left my first cheating man was not because he cheated but because he abused me in a number of ways.
Read the post 2 OUT OF 3 WOMEN HAVE BEEN ABUSED, ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? to learn the different types of abuse.
Also, going by Mo’Nique’s theory, I have equally given a partner a free pass to cheat aka “open relationship”. But did it make the relationship stronger like she claims?
Now here is MY theory.
Rather than be okay with your partner cheating consistently or be in an open relationship, my candid opinion is GIVE HIM TWO FREE PASSES!
It might sound crazy BUT the truth is Huddah and Mo’Nique are actually right (to an extent). MEN ARE BORN TO CHEAT. That’s just how they are. And if you really leave a man the first time he cheats on you then you most likely would end up alone.
Let us remember that we are all human and that one time it did happen could be a slip up, a mistake or it may not even be his fault. Maybe he was drugged, lured, seduced and what have you.
Let me just unequivocally state that when I say give him two free passes, I DO NOT mean in anyway that you should make it known to him that he gets free passes.
In as much as you are willing to let it slide if he slips up, he SHOULD NOT know about it so he doesn’t abuse it.
Remember, he is NOT supposed to cheat but in the likelihood that he does, get upset, make him beg and pay for it bla bla but don’t take drastic actions.
If it happens again, probably get more upset, make him beg and pay for it even more, threaten to take drastic actions but still don’t.
Then if it happens the third time, no one is a fool, he is clearly a pathological cheat, you can now take drastic actions and walk away from the relationship.
The point I am trying to make here is that everyone deserves a second chance and if he cheated and is truly sorry for cheating and it is very clear that he still loves you and wants to be with you, why would you choose to harden your heart and remain unforgiving as opposed to giving him another chance to redeem himself?
Please bear in mind that if he is NOT remorseful for his actions and makes it seem like his actions are normal and should be essentially condoned by you then please walk away and move on.
The free passes are only applicable to those that are truly remorseful for their actions and actually make an effort to ensure it does not happen again.
And if they truly are sorry and truly care about you, they would do everything within their power to see that it NEVER does happens again and guess what, it sometimes never does happen again!
This is my theory. Do you agree or disagree?
Feel free to share your comments, opinion and suggestions
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PHOTO CREDIT: ESAWDILIS