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DO MEN DESERVE A FREE PASS TO CHEAT?

Today’s topic is a very interesting question. As we know, MEN and their cheating habits are incorrigible so a lot of people tend to generalize cheating with 99.99% of men believing that the 0.01% that apparently “don’t cheat” have just not being caught YET.

Personally, I believe it depends on the individual BUT I have learned NEVER to vouch for a man. EVER! Otherwise, be prepared to meet the shock of your life!

Quite recently, I came across two very interesting comments by two socialites in two different parts of this world who seemingly share the same perspective on MEN.

The first comment was from a Kenyan socialite, Huddah Monroe. Read her comments in the image below.

Screenshot_2015-11-23-00-25-43-1

So Huddah thinks all men cheat and that one would be silly to actually leave a cheating husband because the next man you marry will most likely cheat as well.

The second comment is from an African American actress, Mo’Nique. Mo’Nique talked about the advantages of having an open relationship with your partner. Read her comments below.

“The person that you stood up and you said ‘for better, for worse, sickness and in health, richer or poorer’ you took those vows in front of the universe. If you don’t live by them, then maybe you shouldn’t have taken them. And when you say ‘a pass to cheat’… see when you’re with your best friend and you say to your best friend ‘I’m having these feelings about this person, sexually and I wanna share it with you’.. when you’re best friends, you can have those open and honest conversations.”

“Often times people cheat because of something their not getting. But when you have open and honest dialogue and you say we’re just human beings and all these people on the face of the earth, do you think my eyes won’t ever say ‘he’s fine’ or ‘she’s attractive’. Now if you wanna go further with it, let’s be honest enough to have those conversations. What is it about that person that you find that you wanna sleep with? Because they may give you something that I’m simply not willing to do. And if that’s the case, how can I be mad? Because I’m not gon’ do it. Should I deprive you of not having it? That’s when the relationship is real real.”

Now these two comments REALLY got me thinking.

I literally took a moment to reminisce on my past relationships and asked myself how many of those relationships was I actually cheated on? I also pondered on Mo’Nique’s theory and wondered “if applied”, would it mean I might have still been in a relationship with the cheater?

When I was done reminiscing, it turned out that TWO of my ex boyfriends cheated or rather, TWO of them got caught.

One of them cheated because I moved away and he claimed not to be used to having me around so he sought solace in the arms of another female while the other had always been a cheat from the get-go.

Then it occurred to me that I have actually somewhat already been in an open relationship with an EX or rather he was in an open relationship with me but there was no way in hell I was allowed to step out on him.

To be honest, it is not like we sat and agreed that he could sleep with other women and it would be okay with me but rather, I was so young and caught up in what I thought was love at the time that anytime he cheated, he would come back telling me how it meant nothing to him and I knew I was the only true one for him.

So I guess after a while, I actually started believing him when he said “I was the only one for him” and I became okay with him cheating. Not okay per se BUT it became a routine. He cheats, he begs, I forgive, we makeup, he cheats again. It literally was a vicious cycle!

Now, going by Huddah’s comments, did I leave a cheating man only to end up with another (even worse) cheating man, YES!

As a matter of fact, the reason I left my first cheating man was not because he cheated but because he abused me in a number of ways.

Read the post 2 OUT OF 3 WOMEN HAVE BEEN ABUSED, ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? to learn the different types of abuse.

Also, going by Mo’Nique’s theory, I have equally given a partner a free pass to cheat aka “open relationship”. But did it make the relationship stronger like she claims?

Now here is MY theory.

Rather than be okay with your partner cheating consistently or be in an open relationship, my candid opinion is GIVE HIM TWO FREE PASSES!

It might sound crazy BUT the truth is Huddah and Mo’Nique are actually right (to an extent). MEN ARE BORN TO CHEAT. That’s just how they are. And if you really leave a man the first time he cheats on you then you most likely would end up alone.

Let us remember that we are all human and that one time it did happen could be a slip up, a mistake or it may not even be his fault. Maybe he was drugged, lured, seduced and what have you.

Let me just unequivocally state that when I say give him two free passes, I DO NOT mean in anyway that you should make it known to him that he gets free passes.

In as much as you are willing to let it slide if he slips up, he SHOULD NOT know about it so he doesn’t abuse it.

Remember, he is NOT supposed to cheat but in the likelihood that he does, get upset, make him beg and pay for it bla bla but don’t take drastic actions.

If it happens again, probably get more upset, make him beg and pay for it even more, threaten to take drastic actions but still don’t.

Then if it happens the third time, no one is a fool, he is clearly a pathological cheat, you can now take drastic actions and walk away from the relationship.

The point I am trying to make here is that everyone deserves a second chance and if he cheated and is truly sorry for cheating and it is very clear that he still loves you and wants to be with you, why would you choose to harden your heart and remain unforgiving as opposed to giving him another chance to redeem himself?

Please bear in mind that if he is NOT remorseful for his actions and makes it seem like his actions are normal and should be essentially condoned by you then please walk away and move on.

The free passes are only applicable to those that are truly remorseful for their actions and actually make an effort to ensure it does not happen again.

And if they truly are sorry and truly care about you, they would do everything within their power to see that it NEVER does happens again and guess what, it sometimes never does happen again!

This is my theory. Do you agree or disagree?

Feel free to share your comments, opinion and suggestions

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PS: Words are an expression of opinion; WRITING is SPEAKING!

-OUR

PHOTO CREDIT: ESAWDILIS

Categories: POSTS, Relationship

15 replies »

      • I doubt that I am ready to throw away a marriage of 15 years with so much going for it for a night out with one Sisi poyoyo out there, that is like throwing away the baby with the bath water, but knowledge of any hanky-panky will not earn you a smile on my part. In this case ignorance is bliss; for me at least.

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        • Spoken like a truly wise woman Jacqueline. After so much time spent making him right for me, it would take a tipper and more to haul me out of that one to say the least.

          There’s just so much at stake to just walk away. Except the measures are extreme and frankly fatal then there would be cause for alarm.

          Otherwise, just like you said, ignorance is bliss and like Huddah said, the devil you know is certainly better than the angel you don’t.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. I never liked it when women publicly say all men cheat because it gives more men the amunition to cheat, since they can blame it on their nature. Cheating is not a gender thing, it’s an individual vice. Some women are chronic cheaters and some men wouldn’t cheat even when tempted.
    I think the punishment for cheating should be the same as the original crime. If someone cheats on you, cheat right back. I’ve said this before to my friends and they always tell me that’s mean. They claim the initial cheating is an accident and it’s unfair to intentionally hurt the person right back. I call B.S on that everytime because unless the person slipped and fell into another persons private organs, the act was intentional. Plus if someone is going to leave you because you cheated after they did, then you deserve better than that hypocritical fellow.
    I think someone that loves you would never hurt you. I also refuse to believe it’s naive to think that. The argument that you shouldn’t throw out your relationship because your partner cheated is mean and unfair because it blames the victim. It’s like blaming a rape victim for the crime. The person that cheated threw out the relationship.
    I don’t know what I’d do if my husband cheats, but I know I’ll do something.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol @ unless you slipped and fell into another’s private organ. I get what you mean but then I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. So if it truly were “the devil” as they usually claim then that devil best not be at work over and over again otherwise I’m done.

      The thing is that for men, they could have sex with a random woman, then maybe even leave a couple of notes on the dresser and that’s it. They probably never think of her or want anything to do with her anymore.

      But women are emotional creatures. If she cheats then she most likely has feelings for the guy and it might not be a one time thing.

      So as much as it seems right to get dished what you serve, in this case, I doubt the woman would be able to have a no strings attached sexual encounter with some random guy. Even if she is able to, why force yourself to do something you normally wouldn’t because you are trying to prove a point.

      I think it’s a case of breaking your moral grounds as an individual. If he hurt you that bad, then simply walk away and leave him with himself to rot.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I agree with this 100%. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. There are lots of hot and rich men out there that make passes at your woman and she says no

      Like

  2. I will most definitely go with Mo’nique story. But first lemme ask this…
    When you say all men are cheaters, pls who do they cheat with? Men or Woman. Now you can put a case for the Ladies and say they are single and ready to mingle… but hear my side of the story

    I broke up with my ex, for waht reason? According to her I was a cheat. Waht did I do wrong. Almost a year into our relationship I left for school and did according to Mo’nique ” A open relationship “, tried to be honest with her on things taht would happen, she got pissed off and I ended up apologizing.
    Finally left for sch and along the line meet this girl who we both had mutual feelings for each other, but was bold enough to tell her we can’t date -we are all humans, having feelings for others is very normal but its your decision not to cheat that makes you loyal.
    During one of our long call conversation, told her about the girl in question and assured her there was nothing to be scared of. Kept reporting my self everyday like a student to his teacher, so the the trust don’t get betrayed.

    Then one day, out of the blues she asked the question ” When last did you kiss” was a crazy thing for me to be honest and tell the truth but I felt there was no need to panic. A moment of fusion happened between me and the so called crush and we kissed, was something we both tried not to remember after the day. Had totally taken it off my mind, so didn’t even remember to report it to her, not until her question brought them memories back.
    That was the start of it all, she started acting weird. Every time we talk, I have to start afresh with apologies. Our conversation became like stalkers, got fed up of the bullshit and she was scared to break up, so I helped her out.

    Now, truth is this. No one gets to see the part that even after telling her we cant date, she kept calling and stalking, where i tried to be loyal by telling her shit aint happening, no double dating, no cheating on bae cos she’s back home. The only part people get to notice is me kissing another girl when I have a gf and why in the first place will I develop a crush for someone else when I was in a relationship.
    If you are honest with yourself, ask yourself if you’ve never developed feelings for more than one person at the same time, Okk imagine if you had dated the first one before meeting the second -Its just our human nature you can’t take it away, if you wanna play the blame game, play it with God.

    Before I exhaust Alo’s page let me just end by saying I totally go with Mo’nique’s word, which I also have a story on cos not everyone understands waht an “open relationship” is. But I’ll leave taht for another day. And according to All people should be given 2free passes not just the guys alone, Everyone!!!

    Thank You!

    Read my latest blog post wunderkidblog.com/the-lagos-rush/

    Like

    • Interesting story Wunderkidp. I believe for open relationships, both parties have to be on board. That way, it won’t be called cheating. To be honest, it’s almost impossible to find Nigerian females that have that mentality. Personally, I don’t buy the idea.

      The only reason you are getting attracted to someone else is because you still feel the need to explore. After a while when you’re older, you can finally say that you know what you want and when you do get it, you will do everything in your power to keep it.

      But in the likelihood that you slip up and have meaningless sex with someone else, then I am of the opinion that if you’re genuinely sorry, you should be given another chance to redeem yourself. But that’s only if the sexual encounter meant nothing to you because if it did and you remain in the relationship, the chances are that you will cheat over and over again.

      In that case, do your partner a favor and call it off so you don’t keep hurting her.

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      • I agree with you that for an open relationship both parties have to be on board.

        But like I stated, the flesh will still remain the flesh. It’s your choice to suppress that makes you been loyal. When you finally understand waht u want, doesn’t mean temptation stops coming.
        Because your gf said yes to you already doesn’t mean guys will stop approaching her.

        It’s your choice to make.

        No one deserves a free pass to cheat because someone gets hurt in the process.
        But everyone deserves a second chance

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        • That was beautifully said Wunderkidp; “no one deserves a free pass to cheat but everyone deserves a second chance”.

          That is my point exactly. We all deserve a second chance.

          Like

    • I was determined to leave without commenting on this until I saw your comment. You can only have an open relationship if both of you are having one. I dont like placing the burden on women alone. I dont think it is fair. Alo, I have noticed you do that a lot in your messages. It is almost like you expect women to have a higher standard of care than men should. I disagree esp when they are supposed to be the head and lead by example.

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      • The truth of it all Laydeelarz is that you are actually correct. There already is a double standard that exists in the world when it comes to men and women in relationships. I am simply a realist.

        Men get away with so much because of the society we live in which granted isn’t supposed to be.

        But there was a time in America when things were just like it is for us now and until there are laws protecting women in this part of the world, we just have to make the best of our current situation.

        Like

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