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THE UNSPORTING “NIGERIAN” MANNERISM TOWARDS VICTIMS OF CIRCUMSTANCE (The story of Sugabelly)

After my unsettling opinion on last week’s topic RAPIST AND MINI SKIRTS – WHO IS TO BLAME?, I honestly wouldn’t have chosen to write on a similar topic anytime soon but when it was brought to my attention, I just couldn’t ignore it.

The issue of unsporting mannerism towards very serious and gravely disturbing issues which a lot of Nigerians possess beats me.

In layman terms, by unsporting mannerism, I am referring to the unsupportive, unfair and mean-spirited trait that we Nigerians sometimes possess especially towards victims of circumstance.

And by victims of circumstance, I mean victims of RAPE, ABUSE, VIOLENCE and what have you.

From the title of this post, it says “A story of Sugabelly”. This is the story that was brought to my attention and the same story which I JUST COULDN’T IGNORE.

Read a summary of the story in the text conversation below but you can read the full story from the source HERE!!

 

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TEXT MESSAGE DISCLOSURE FROM SUGABELLY TO HER CLOSE FRIEND

Nine years later after she was finally able to get away from her ex-boyfriend Mustapha, she ran into one of Mustapha’s friends who had raped her back then and she had a panic attack after a failed attempt to break a bottle on his head.

This was the incident that made her realize she had to liberate herself from the bondage of secrecy she had been living with all these years and she finally decided to write a tell-all on her blog.

Now after reading this summary, as a human being, your natural instinct should go “oh my God”, “poor girl” etc. Basically, you should feel a lot of pity for the young girl who had to go through series of rape at the tender age of 17 from the friends and family of someone she loved and someone who supposedly loved her back.

But rather than feel pity and sad for the young lady, she is getting a huge backlash and insult across social media with people calling her a slut, whore and all sort of names.

For whatever reason they have conceived in their minds, they believe it wasn’t a rape scenario since she remained in the relationship and that the lady in question was “enjoying” the situation and should quit making it seem like she wasn’t.

It honestly beats me how ignorant Nigerians can be at times not to realize that victims of circumstance especially RAPE and ABUSE sometimes feel trapped and are unable to break away from the situation no matter how hard they try.

Personally, I have been there. I have previously written about my abusive ex-boyfriend; you can read the post HERE!!. So I know exactly how it feels to be in an abusive relationship and still not leave because of what you think is “love”.

The young lady Sugabelly suffered a lot of pain and horrific encounters in the hands of her boyfriend, his friends and family. They even held her ransome by threatening to release videos they recorded of her during one of their “sessions”. So you must realize that it took her a lot of courage to finally be able to speak up and the least we owe her is support and encouragement.

It is absolutely wrong to shut her down and rain insults on someone who is obviously still going through a lot of pain. And anyone who knows Abdul, Ema, Mustapha, Tunji and their click of friends in Abuja (I do), knows the story is not falsified.

These group of boys are known for sexually harassing girls and are usually very aggressive so it’s no surprise that they could rape. I feel so sorry for their wives who would have to live with the fact that they’re married to rapists for the rest of their lives.

My point to Nigerians is that if seeing one of the perpetrators after nine years brought back the pain fresh in Sugabelly’s memory like it were yesterday then she was never over it all this while and to hurt her with such nasty comments without even trying to find out the truth about what really happened is extremely mean-spirited on the part of Nigerians.

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SUGABELLY FIVE MONTHS INTO NEAR DAILY RAPES WITH WHAT SHE DESCRIBED AS “DEATH IN HER EYES”

I mean when will Nigerians ever learn?

For those that have read the full story, there is a particular twitter message which she included in her tell-all that reads “After what twitter put through today, how many women who have been raped will want to tell their stories & seek justice?”

That statement right there is the ULTIMATE TRUTH!

After the unsporting behavior towards her predicament, how many other young ladies out there who were equally molested, raped and abused would also want to share their truth?

Now imagine if the Nigerian public were supportive of her ordeal and actually extended their hands to help her seek justice for what she was made to suffer in the hands of her boyfriend, his friends and family.

Imagine this plausible scenario had ensued after her tell-all THEN now imagine how many other young ladies like her would have been bold enough to come out and tell their stories as well with the hope of bringing their perpetrators to justice.

In this country of ours, as sad as it sounds, the police and the law that ought to be “our friend” are not behind us. Even “the voice of the people” that ought to be “the voice of reasoning” is so backward and unsporting that it scares victims away and leaves them to wallow and die in silence all because of the fear of being castigated.

This really has to stop!

We need to encourage people that have endured pain and sufferings in the hands of those they trust and love to come out, tell their truth and BE FREE!

We need to support them and not ridicule them. We must lend a helping hand to pull them out of the pit of darkness and not bury them with piercing words.

Until you have been in the shoes of anyone that was constantly raped and abused by someone they love, trust and respect, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO JUDGE OR CONDEMN THEM.

It takes only the grace of God to be able to walk away and takes even much more to keep it together afterwards and not hurt yourself.

Show your support to victims of circumstance! Do not join the train of those with unsporting mannerisms and if you are on that train already, I hope and pray you never join the victim’s train so you never have to feel what we felt once upon a time.

What do you think about the unsporting mannerism Nigerians sometimes possess?

Feel free to comment, share your opinion and suggestions.

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PS: Words are an expression of opinion; WRITING is SPEAKING!

-OUR

PHOTO CREDIT: SUGABELLY

Categories: POSTS, Relationship, SOCIETY

14 replies »

  1. Nigeria is a difficult country when it comes to issues like this. I read the story and I empathize with her. In our society, they will simply laugh in your face and ridicule the victim. It takes speaking out like this to pour out the festering memories.

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  2. I read the story and i feel her pain. I can relate to her ordeal.

    We Nigerians try to blame the victims of rape rather than the rapist. What do you have to say to a 6years old that was abused severally? Was it her fault? Was it because of the clothes she wears?
    Empty head Nigerians,same applys for grown up who were raped. They are and cannot be blamed. From paedophiles to rapist, something should be done about it.
    We don’t want a generation filled with broken and traumatized ladies.

    I was there as a 6year old child and still have episodes of nightmeres coupled with guilt and hurt at 22.. Thank God am geting over it gradually.

    You can follow my life story on FFP forum. afikayomi My Untold Story.

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    • Oh my! I don’t even know what to say! I’m so sorry for what you went through. Really sorry! And I’m even more glad you’re not letting it hold you down and you’re pressing forward.

      The case of Nigerians being unsporting is something I can never understand. Their level of empathy is usually way beyond average and it sickens me.

      Stay strong my dear! God is your strength.

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  3. That’s naija 4u wicked pple every where I pity d young lady if I were her I wouldn’t have waste or wait this long to expose those bastards the so call ex governor son is a monster may God Almighty punish him and his co partners in crime,girl God will fight ur battle take heart 4get what pple re saying or calling u, be bold remain bless fuck haters.

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  4. WOW!!! Nigerians! A girl is raped, its the fault of the woman, a child turns out bad, its the fault of the mother(a woman), a girl is in an abusive relationship, its her fault, a lady gets cheated on by her husband, guess whose fault? hers of course!!!

    I think its about time as a nation, we start to redirect our orientation, mostly to the boy-child, teaching the boys how to behave, growing up to be gentlemen and how to carry themselves. Its rather sad and unfortunate how things are turning out in our beloved country. Funny enough, you will be surprised at the number of girls abusing the Sugarbelly, calling her names and all of that. (The women folk have got their own issues too, sad!)
    Without mincing words, Rape is bad, inhumane, disgusting and a SIN before God and man.

    God help us on earth let us be good people, speak the truth when we see one, and give us the ability to flee from evil. This is such a sad case. Kudos to her for speaking up, that’s the first step to liberation. I hope she gets the justice she deserves.

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    • I really do hope she gets her justification. Honestly, Nigerians are a special case. Sometimes it might even be better to remain silent because the condemnation you would receive might just be worse than the experience. Sad!

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  5. It is so sad, but in a patriarch society the woman has to be blamed because it is the only way for men to hold unto power. The saddest part though is when women join in such madness by raising boys that do not have any respect for women; condemning instead of empathizing with women (abused) when cases like this happen. Our ignorance too as a nation plays a role in our perception of things. Very sad and pathetic!!! *smh*
    I hope this lady (Sugarbelly) begins to heal in order to live her life as she is supposed to; and I hope that victims of any kind of abuse can find the courage and strength to speak out or escape from their abuser because living in a country like 9ja is hell in itself.

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    • Very true Evvie. It is tough enough growing up in 9ja and then growing up as a female is worse. We just have to find a way to overcome the misogyny that exists within the society and rise above it. Especially Sugabelly. She must rise above it and ignore their empty words.

      Like

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