FEATURE FRIDAY

I GOT MARRIED AS A VIRGIN BUT I AM SCARED TO HAVE SEX. HELP!

FeatureFridayHello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion after the cut. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

I am twenty seven years old and I recently got married (few months ago). Before I got married, my sole priority was to remain a virgin. Not because I wanted to per se but you know how parents pride themselves with the whole virginity thing.

Back then, I was so scared of losing my virginity that I didn’t even use tampons for fear that my hymen would break. Ignorant me right?

In my second year in University, according to my dad, I started dressing like a “University babe”, so he went as far as taking me to a hospital for a virginity test.

Fast forward years later, I got married as a virgin BUT now that I am willing to let go, I am pretty much paying for all the time wasted to get it done which has resulted to me being extremely scared to have sex.

Whenever my husband makes an attempt, my body becomes rigid instantly and I end up running out of the bedroom.

It is so bad that I cannot even get naked in front of him or see him naked.

Whenever he is in the bathroom, I would go to the living room and wait for him to dress up. I also undress and dress up in the bathroom with the bolts locked just to ensure there is no room for nudity.

Please help me OUR. Google literally knows my fingerprints because I have googled everything I can just to get answers but all to no avail.

My husband has been wonderful and patient with me but given the circumstances, I really do pity him for all I am putting him through.

Please help me by telling me how virgin wives can enjoy sex without so much drama.

REPLY:

Hello reader,

Oh my! First of all, let me just disagree with you when you say you are paying the price for waiting this long to have sex. That is entirely false.

As a matter of fact, it is perfectly normal that you are scared to have sex. After all, you went twenty seven years without it so it is expected that you wouldn’t just jump at the offer as some might think.

Now that you’re having this difficulty, I am very glad you said your husband is understanding about it because he is the only one that can help you get through this phase.

Having said that, you must try and overcome the rigidity your body encounters whenever things are about to happen. It is a gradual process but you have to be willing to try.

I would suggest you start from the nudity part. I will tell you a trick I used back then whenever I got serious with a guy.

As much as I didn’t get married a virgin, all ladies in general can testify to how difficult it is at the initial stage to become comfortable in the nudes with your boyfriend.

So in order to overcome that shyness, what I did was to walk around in my underwear whenever he was around. Basically, I remain in panties and a bra all the while we’re together. It wasn’t easy at first but after doing it consistently, the whole nudity thing stopped to bother me.

You could also start with getting dressed with the lights off so that way you’re not too shy and also, stay in the room when he’s getting dressed. You don’t have to look at him but stay in the room. As time goes on, you could sneak peaks at him and before you know it, it won’t bother you anymore either.

As for sex, your husband just has to take it really slow with you.

I suggest pornography. Not kamasutra or anything like that but you both should watch regular porn together. It might help you open up and become less rigid.

And please try your best not to be shy or cover your eyes when watching. This is what marriage is for – an institution where it is completely okay to be vulnerable with one another. So you really don’t need to hold back.

Let me just say that this is really not a very serious issue. A lot of people experience it. All it takes is patience from your husband and in no time, he would be the one begging you to give him a break when you finally have a taste of what you’ve been missing 😉

I hope I’ve been of help. Thanks for sharing!

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-OUR

Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY

16 replies »

  1. What the hell is virgin wife? It’s not even in the dictionary or the Bible! I’m not trying to be insulting but please get over yourself. Stop being selfish and dramatic!

    Like

    • Thanks for your comments Miss O. I can see your frustration with this situation. It can be a bit unsettling but I’m very sure she is not doing it on purpose.

      Granted, she has to get over it eventually but it wilk be a gradual process so she’s not traumatised. Weird but true!

      Like

  2. Sex is a completely natural act that is meant to be enjoyed. However, due to societal pressures and all, we tend to get a bit too worried over it.
    I would suggest you speak to a sex therapist; I’ve not heard of one from this side of the world though so you might want to reach out via email; or perhaps you should do some research on it. However, its not that serious, you just need a proper orientation on the beautiful act. Lol.

    Either way, please never beat yourself up for staying too long a virgin. On the contrary, it is actually something to be proud of. Some of us vowed to do so but fell off the boat.

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    • Lol @ fell off the boat Emerdelle. I know I have taken a vow of celibacy once upon a time but that boat capsized long before it got a chance to sail.

      Good advice about the sex therapist. I agree with you that she might not find one on this side of the world but like you rightly said, there are other ways like emails, via phone, etc.

      I really wish her all the best and I hope she gets this sorted out soon before her husband’s patience wears thin.

      Like

    • She is really lucky that he is patient..some men would have raped her..yea she should be proud of staying a virgin,I don’t think that the reason for been that way..

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      • I actually agree with you Dami that her staying a virgin is probably not the reason she’s this way. I think it’s because she’s this way that she stayed a virgin.

        Her entire orientation about sex is probably wrong so it scares her and she has been running from it her entire life hence remaining a virgin.

        But you’re right. She is very lucky her husband is patient. Because in this silly country of ours, there is no such thing as husband raping wife. We’re unfortunately slaves who don’t have a right to refuse sex from our husband. May God help Nigeria. Smh

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  3. it isn’t her fualt ,is her mindset, am in d same shoes.though I lose mine 2ru a rape 10yrs bck.b4&eva since I’ve live wit d mindset of “sex is a sin”it hs eaten deep in me dat wen anybody mention Date/Marriage I find it nt interesting bco I ve nt seen a relationship dat d guys don’t ask fr sex b4 marriage. LORD HELP HER GET OUT OF HER SHELL b4 it turn into a mess

    Like

    • Oh my! I’m sorry for what you had to go through 10 years ago. Really sorry for that.

      You’re probably right that her mindset about sex is totally skewed. She has to find a way to redirect her entire orientation about it for the sake of her husband.

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  4. Hey, I honestly think you need to first Talk to him about this cause this is so darn SERIOUS! And he may have to do The bunk work here. This might take sometime tho but first u must understand ur body. While making out allow him or initiate The fingering process. Starting by posting with your clitoris or whatever ur most sensitive to at that time then let him feel ur vagina with his own fingers (u can direct him here by placing ur hand on his). Insert his little finger into u slowly while ur wet (this here is The foreplay so he has to really cooperate) actually he might enjoy The pleasure his giving u (that boosts mens ego). This continues, u Switch fingers The next 2 Times ( like from The little finger to the thumb or two fingers) please ensure that his nails r short for this and his hands are clean. U may even (well i think u will) Start playing with urself once u get used to it. Now when ur comtortable, u may proceed to The promise land (asin his member in u SLOWLY while ur wet!) i emphasize on slow because it might take u a while to feel one kind of way lol. This helped for me and few friends of mine. Now i say again he must be patient and cooperative. Good luck!

    Like

    • Very well detailed step by step comment. I really appreciate you taking out the time to walk her through it.

      It really all boils down to one thing. Her husband MUST be patient and literally do all the work. I really wish her all the best in this phase of her life.

      Like

  5. And who said there is no sex therapist @ dis side of the world? You know who is surely one!!!

    Like

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