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FEMINISM VS SUBMISSIVENESS – A THIN LINE!

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“Feminism is a range of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women.” – Wikipedia

To be submissive is to obey or yield to someone else.

For the purpose of this post, the word submissive is being used to refer to women who are married to a male partner and also happen to be devoted feminists.

As a woman and as an advocate of feminism, how do you reconcile your need to for equal rights with the biblical need to submit yourself to a man; your husband.

This issue of finding a balance between the two extremes (feminism and submissiveness) is the reason why there are a lot of issues within marriages today; hence the steady rise in divorce.

Even though I might get hated for this, I much prefer the lifestyle back in the day when there was a clear cut sign and everyone knew their jurisdiction. The men knew to fend for their families and the women knew to nurture their children and home.

As much as it is a good thing that women now have a voice and can speak up without fear of being subdued, the issue of not being able to realize where your demand for equal rights end and where your duties as a wife begin is the big problem within families today.

As a feminist, you first and foremost refuse to play a typical “wife” where you trust your husband to make the decisions that are in your best interest. Rather, you demand to be an equal part of the decision making process and insist on your ideologies because you believe as a woman, your opinion should count – and it should indeed.

Then you start having issues where the both of you MUST have it your way and no one is willing to compromise or bend over.

The man insists he is the head of the house so his decision stands and the woman insists her opinion would not be neglected simply because she is a “woman”. Fast forward, few months later, they are divorced – all thanks to feminism.

What a pity!

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Even the men are now using the whole Feminism thing to their advantage by sharing their responsibilities with their wives under the umbrella of “equality”.

You now have cases where the husband would insist his wife split the cost of running the home with him half way. From the house rent to upkeep, school fees for the kids and every single family expense gets split down the middle.

As much as this is a lazy act, can you actually blame him? If the woman is sharing his role as head of family, catering for the family is sure a part of that role. So she’s welcome to share the bill.

A lot of feminists women probably do not have a problem with splitting the bill but personally I do a great deal.

Not because I’m cheap or high maintenance but simply because I believe it is the SOLE responsibility of the man to cater for his family. Of course, I would chip in whenever I can but it should not be a fifty-fifty responsibility between the man and the woman.

And the fact that women have been brainwashed to think that it is okay for them to be partly responsible for their family because of the quest for equal rights is everything that is wrong with crossing the thin line between feminism and submissiveness.

Women DO NOT be fooled. Yes it is okay to be a feminist and to have a voice but you must realize that men were made to be the head of the household. In as much as you can always make your point known and put your foot down every now and then, as a wife, you are biblically required to SUBMIT.

This doesn’t mean you become his puppet and do whatever he says but basically learn to agree to disagree whenever need be rather than create a pool of trouble by insisting stanchly on your opinion.

Feminism is a beautiful thing and it is great that women are standing for equal rights but after you say “I do”, you must find a balance between being a feminist and learning to compromise and submit to your husband so as not to create avoidable problems in your home.

Do you think feminists could make good wives?

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Categories: POSTS, Relationship, SOCIETY

13 replies »

  1. I think people fail to differentiate between submission and subservience. This is an instruction and lesson any woman should seek to understand. The difference between these two.

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    • I agree with you Jacqueline. Subservience is abject obedience like a puppet would and that is definitely not what marriage or being a wife is about.

      It is the ability to know when to take a bow gracefully and caress your partner’s ego so as to keep the sanctity of your home.

      Most “feminists” fail to understand that even the most powerful women in the world every
      now and then allow their husbands take full charge of their home not because they’re stupid or weak but because they understand the thin line between being a feminist and a wife and they know not to cross it.

      Otherwise, we would have a bunch of single feminist women with no families in existence. That is not a world I pray for.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I never liked when people equate the feminist movement with the idea that women now want to be the head of the house. I don’t prefer the olden days, many homes are standing today because the woman has rights (political and all) that she didn’t have before. I also disagree with you 100%, the man is not solely responsible for the family anymore. Not with inflation and all. It’s my family too isn’t it? That’s why men want educated and ambitious women. They do not want a liability. I think women should stop seeing men as moving banks and actually take their share of the responsibility for the direction of the family. Families are operating on two incomes in this economy. For the few that marry someone rich, good for them. However that can’t happen to everyone. That’s why that mentality that a man is solely responsible for the family is dangerous. Because if your husband needs the wife’s income to assist the family, it’ll make some women resent the man because they believe it’s their right to have a husband that pays for everything. Finally feminism doesn’t not define the kind of wife you’ll be in the way people think. It may mean you won’t stay in an abusive marriage but won’t make you think less of your husband . It saddens me that people don’t understand the movement and use it as excuse for stupid things they do. Men should be the champions of feminism. A good father shouldn’t want his daughter to make less money that another child just because the other child has a penis in place of a vagina. I didn’t censor this statement because I believe it’s an important point in my definition. If you listen to a true feminist, you’ll find out the personal rights they fight for are for battered and abused women. A true feminist will NEVER tell you how to treat your husband, or that women’s right are suddenly more important than men’s. In simple terms, a feminist thinks the type of genitalia you have should not be a disadvantage to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally understand the feminism movement but the thing is a lot of women in Nigeria which is a country that I can relate to do not understand it.

      Yes, the essence is to be seen as an equal but you must realise that if the term equality isn’t managed properly especially in a home, it would create issues.

      For example, gender equality in parliament would mean men and women have equal right to their opinion and to vote and to even be in parliament without any thought of conceding except of course you choose to and not expected to for being female.

      But in marriage, it’s different. Because as much as women are right most of the time but sometimes we tend to caress their ego and let them have their way.

      Sometimes, we forfeit our choices just to keep a happy home. Doesn’t mean we’re unhappy but that dream of living in a pent house in the heart of the city for example will probably be swapped with a condo in the surburbs because it’s what the husband thinks is best for the family. It’s called compromise!

      Instead, what we have in 9ja these days especially with our female celebrity is the fact that they refuse to bend over to anything their husband says because they feel they now have a right to speak up with a voice.

      Just like Jacqueline said, there’s a difference between submission and subservience. No one is asking the woman to hop and bark like a dog anytime he says so but you must learn to reach a level of compromise when you have disagreeing views and not demand things must always go your way because of gender equality.

      Trust me, that’s recipe for a divorce. Unless of course you already want out.

      And as for sharing in finances, believe me when I say 9ja men are taking advantage of it. They now extort money from their wives for house runnings while they lavish what ought to go to the house on other stuff.

      There are so many cases like that where the man asks the woman if she isn’t working to be asking him for the kids fees.

      The woman should definitely support her family but the idea of completely splitting it just makes 9ja men lazy.

      It might be okay in yankee or some other place cos it’s a normal thing even to split the bill after a date but in 9ja the men take advantage of it and become lazy. They now expect their wives to almost do all the work and it’s really not right.

      Our job is to support and not be the head of the household. So just incase you fall, we’ll be there to catch you but don’t expect too much from her. She might be willing to give and thats fine but demanding and expecting 50% of the rent is something I still think is wrong and I really don’t think I can understand that logic.

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      • If the problem is the Nigerian women that don’t understand the movement, why blame feminism and not the ignorant tweeps. One of the commandment says “thou shall not kill” , if some people say God says thou shall not kill your spouse but anyone else is ok. In that situation will you blame the commandment? Why blame feminism then?

        Also if 9ja men are abusing the fact that their wives can assist financially, does it now make it ok to spread the mentality that men should always be financially responsible? Does the men that abuse it reflect all Nigerian men? Doesn’t that seem like punish in the majority for the crime of others? Also I didn’t say split it halfway. I said assist if necessary &/or required. Finally this isn’t about being ok in yankee, I’m talking about Nigeria and over the world. Men in general.

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        • The reason I keep saying Nigeria is because from my initial comments, I stated that Nigeria is a country I can relate to so I’m using it in reference. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen in other parts of the world but I can cite instances here hence the constant reference to Nigeria.

          Also, I never blamed the movement feminism for broken homes, rather, I accustomed blame to women who are believed to be feminists but do not understand that feminism doesn’t breed insubordination in marriages.

          It is their fault that they misconstrue feminism to mean ensuring that they have their way all the time even at the detriment of their home. That’s the woman’s fault and not feminism’s.

          Also, the fact that I say men should be solely responsible doesn’t mean women should be lazy or men should marry dependent women. All it means is that the man should provide for his family without looking into whatever his wife is making.

          Even if she’s making more than him, that doesn’t give him the right to “demand” part of the rent or school fees.

          The idea that it’s ok for him to pry into whatever she’s making just because he expects her to pay up half is what I find completely wrong.

          If she decides to say “hunnie take a break I know how hard things are for you. I’ll settle the rent this month”, that’s different.

          But just because she makes a tad more than him so he expects her to become part breadwinner, then that’s exploitation in my opinion.

          Yes, he doesn’t need to pay for her shopping spree or other personal stuff because she can afford to do all that stuff for herself but asking her to partly cater for the family especially when he can probably afford to do it alone is what I find wrong but then everyone has their own point of view.

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          • Hello sister,
            I follow your lovely blog and generally enjoy reading your posts because you write so intelligently. But this particular post has me scratching my head. I have a few questions for you: (1) who baptised the husband as ‘the head of the household’? Please don’t refer me to bible passages because those passages were written by men, in an overwhelmingly patriarchal ancient society (which is obvious by the way the early church treated women, not permitting them to speak in gatherings).

            (2) Why is it ok for women to be expected to massage their husband’s egos to ‘keep the peace’ in the home? Is the husband a 5 year old child throwing a tantrum? The husband is a mature adult and should be expected to negotiate and compromise like one. Why should compromise should be the exclusive domain of the woman?

            (3) Why do you believe that a husband and wife taking shared responsibility for the home is wrong? What gives anyone the right to decide what system is wrong or right in someone else’s marriage?

            Feminism does not prescribe that the husband and wife should share responsibility 50-50 or whatever it is. Feminism does not prescribe anything. It is a philosophy that tries to bring women out from under the kind of thinking that takes away choice and forces something on them. Not all women are happy having the husband as the sole breadwinner while they are responsible for managing the home. Feminism says that this model is fine, but this should not be the only model, and it is no better or worse than any other model that a couple decides will work for them. You say that many Nigerian women do not understand feminism, but I think it is you who have not taken the time to truly understand it. Feminism is about women having the freedom to choose vs. being chosen for by men. It is something we should all aspire to, whether in the broader society or within the home/marriage. If in your home the best way to achieve harmony is to pander to your husband’s ego and “submit” even when you disagree wholeheartedly, good for you. But don’t hold this up as the standard for all marriages because a Jewish man wrote in the bible that wives should submit to their husbands.

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            • Thank you for your comments Itua. I take it that you do not completely agree with the bible but I most certainly do. Yes it was written during a much more patriarchal system than exists now but regardless, I believe and strive to practice it’s message.

              Once again, let me state that there’s a difference between submission and subservience. No one, especially not me or even the bible is asking a woman to completely surrender herself to a man in the name of marriage which is what subservience is; abject obedience. Instead, it said submit which means sometimes when the argument has gone on too long, just take the step to end it all for peace to reign.

              Doesn’t mean you’re weak or less a woman but truth is women actually make or break a home however they choose to manage it.

              Also, compromise just like you said must come from both parties (male and female) for a marriage to work. It definitely shouldn’t be one-sided but we have cases where the woman refuses to bend over not even an inch. Instead, they puff an huff and demand things must go their way or no way.

              I am of the opinion that it should be in the middle but there are a lot of women who think their opinion must be heard because they misunderstand girl power for feminism. Girl power being the urge to always win and be right.

              About the issue of splitting money, I guess it’s a personal opinion and I feel that way because I have seen men (home and abroad) who have manipulated their women into becoming breadwinners while they supposedly “focus” on other stuff. And that is completely wrong.

              Oh btw, the bible calls men the “head of the household”. So that’s where they get their title from.

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  3. I agree with your stand on submission. When it comes to husband and wife relationship. Equal right does not come in. The husband is the head of the family and there is no contending that. However, I believe husbands should not ride on that ‘title’ to stifle their wives. Listening to her opinion even if you don’t do it her way show you respect her view, at least.

    Nevertheless, every man on earth is not ‘husband’. While I understand my duty to be submissive to my husband, my colleagues (male) at work should not demand that I submit to them. My business partner should not solicit for submission. I think that is where most men get it wrong. Every man wants a woman to submit even if the woman is his boss. And if he cannot demand it like the husband would. He would result to jibe and name calling. That is what I feel isn’t cool.

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    • Thank you for your comments DB. I love the part where you said “The husband is the head of the family and there is no contending that”. A lot of women DO NOT actually realise that.

      Like I said, it’s okay to help but it is their full responsibility just like it is hers to carry the pregnancy.

      I also liked the part where you said the men should not “demand” submission. Yes you’re a woman willing to submit but you are not a puppet expected to be subservient at any given time.

      Just like Jacqueline said, I solemnly believe that women need to actually understand the difference between submission (wife) and subservience (puppet). That thin difference make a whole new impact on the term “marriage”.

      Thank you so much for reading!

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  4. Who came up with the line “a woman makes or breaks the home”? Is it solely the woman’s decision to be married? That’s like saying it takes the woman in a couple dance like salsa to make the dance work. It takes both parties to make the home happy and fulfilling. Too much responsibility is put on the submissive party and not enough on the head

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