FEATURE FRIDAY

HE SAID HE LOVED ME AFTER ONE MONTH. HELP!

FeatureFriday

Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion below. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

My name is Annabelle and I recently started talking to this guy named Nathan whom I met through a mutual friend over the phone. We live in different states and because of that, we haven’t met yet. However, that hasn’t stopped us from getting to know each other. We have been talking on the phone every day since the first day we spoke.

During one of our phone conversations, he asked me to be his girlfriend but I told him that I think we should wait until we see each other in person before we could officially start dating per se.

A month went by and we were still talking on the phone regularly when all of a sudden he told me that he loved me and I was speechless. How could he love me after only a month? And we haven’t even met yet. Isn’t it a bit too soon to love someone especially when you haven’t even seen the person’s flaws?

Anyway, after he said it, I completely pretended like I didn’t hear what he said and then I quickly changed the topic of conversation. He hasn’t brought it up again since then.

The reason I am writing to you is that I need to know if he actually really loves me or is just saying it because he thinks that is what I want to hear. Could he really know that much about me to be able to fall in love with me over the phone?

Please let me know what you think OUR. I need to know if I’m crazy to think it’s just simply words. Or am I right? Is it just words? Tell me what you think.

REPLY:

Hello Annabelle,

To be very honest with you, it is going to be very hard to decipher if he really means it when he says he loves you or not – I’m no wizard.

But all I will tell you is GO WITH YOUR INNER GUT!

Over the course of my life, I have learnt to trust my instinct and it has NEVER failed me. Even when bad things happen, I believe they were ordained by God because my instinct somehow failed to alert me they were going to happen. Otherwise, my thoughts, head and mind would have been screaming DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT. And I’ll be forced to listen and eventually see reasons why my instincts were right.

I am no love expert but if there is one thing I know love shouldn’t be, it is complicated. Love should never be complicated. There are no different shades of love. It is one or the other. You either love the person or you don’t. There is no confusion.

So my first thought is if you are confused about this particular case then you are either right and he really doesn’t love you or you simply do not love him back. But whatever the case may be, love doesn’t exist somewhere within your relationship and that is a big problem.

Whether you guys are on different pages emotionally or if he is lying about being in love with you, both scenarios have a zero love commitment which certainly isn’t pleasant and healthy for a relationship and if I were you, I would go with my instinct and take a bow now that it’s still fresh before we get in way above our heads and create even more problems for ourselves or better still, stick to just being friends for now and forget about a “relationship” then see where that leads.

I hope I have been of help. Thanks for sharing!

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PS: Words are an expression of opinion; WRITING is SPEAKING!

-OUR

6 replies »

    • As much as that might not seem like a bad idea, the problem is in a relationship, if one person loves more than the other, the equation is never balanced so one person will remain the giver and the other the receiver. I still think she should go with her gut. If her gut is telling her to go with the flow then she should definitely go with the flow

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  1. I don’t quite agree that the equation is not balanced if one person loves the other more. In fact, I think it’s not possible to gauge exactly how much someone loves another. Is there a meter or something? How do you go about that?

    What I do know however is this. A woman will almost always go the extra mile, especially when her loved ones are involved. Most men wouldn’t; not as much as she would anyway. It’s like we are wired to give and give and go the extra mile. It takes a man that loves you more to even meet you halfway. So if he doesn’t “send” you at least as much, may Oluwa look on top your matter IMO.

    To the issue at hand. Its possible. You talk everyday. Maybe even more than once. If you have intellectual discussions most times, I see no reason why a Sapiosexual can’t fall in love with you. Even if not, I don’t see why not. Men usually know what they want as soon as they see it so…Still, take your time, there’s no rush. If you think he’s sincere, then no problem. Love is a gift. It doesn’t require repayment.

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    • I like the part where you go “meanwhile, see him first”. I agree she should see him first. And I also agree that women tend to love a lot more than the guys which is why the book “why men love bitches” is a must read for every young lady.

      Anyway, she should definitely take it slow and please Annabelle, don’t let him pressurise you into saying something you don’t mean or feel so beware of that!

      Like

  2. I don’t quite agree that the equation is not balanced if one person loves the other more. In fact, I think it’s not possible to gauge exactly how much someone loves another. Is there a meter or something? How do you go about that?

    What I do know however is this. A woman will almost always go the extra mile, especially when her loved ones are involved. Most men wouldn’t; not as much as she would anyway. It’s like we are wired to give and give and go the extra mile. It takes a man that loves you more to even meet you halfway. So if he doesn’t “send” you at least as much, may Oluwa look on top your matter IMO.

    To the issue at hand. Its possible. You talk everyday. Maybe even more than once. If you have intellectual discussions most times, I see no reason why a Sapiosexual can’t fall in love with you. Even if not, I don’t see why not. Men usually know what they want as soon as they see it so…Still, take your time, there’s no rush. If you think he’s sincere, then no problem. Love is a gift. It doesn’t require repayment. Meanwhile, see him first please.

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