FEATURE FRIDAY

I MARRIED HIM OUT OF PEER PRESSURE. HELP!

FeatureFriday

Hello guys, it’s Feature Friday! Every Friday I would be sharing a real life experience and situation of a reader who needs my opinion. If you have a situation that you need my opinion on, email me on featurefriday@alocovivavoce.com.

Read the situation and my opinion below. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the person being featured. Enjoy!

Hello OUR,

My name is Adriana and I recently got married to a man I would probably not even speak to on a normal day. The thing is I am Ibo, twenty eight years old and the first girl (Ada) so you must know how much pressure is on me to get married.

To top it all off, all my cousins the same age as me got married in the same year and my parents kept pestering me and repeating the very famous line “we want to carry our grandchild”.

Fast forward a year later, I eventually married a VERY CHUBBY, DARK SKINNED MAN who is twice my age and had been stalking me for marriage for so many years. My parents were of the opinion that since my Mr. Right isn’t forthcoming, I should go ahead and marry any Mr. and make him right for me.

I heed their advice and married him and now we have a baby together but I cannot help but think that I have made the gravest mistake of my life.

Not only are we not compatible, rather than show me affection and emotion and basically try to win me over, he simply lavishes money on me and expects to buy my love with his money.

He sent me to go give birth abroad without any help rather than take the opportunity to get to know each other and bond over the pregnancy. Even when I came back, he moved me to a very big house in a city I knew no one and once again, without any help and expected me to take care of a brand new baby all by myself.

I eventually moved to my parents house and have been staying there so my mum can help assist with the baby. This is when I had the time to think about the very huge mistake I made by marrying him and I honestly dread going back to live with him let alone have him touch my body ever again.

Please help me OUR! What do I do? Could I possibly change the way I feel about this man? Or are these hate feelings going to get worse? Please I need your help!

REPLY:

First of all, thank you Adriana for writing in but all I can say is stop complaining and COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

I refuse to give you the lecture of you shouldn’t have married him if you didn’t love him bla bla bla which is true but there’s no need crying over spilled milk. The deed is already done and until you tell me this man is hurting you physically or emotionally and probably a danger and threat to your well-being and/or that of your child, all I would say is COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

To be honest, this supposed problem you have is what a lot of people are praying for in their homes. He sent you to give birth abroad and bought a big house for you to live in? Yet you can find something to complain about?

I know money isn’t everything but it seems from over here that the man is actually trying everything he can to please you. I wouldn’t blame him for lavishing on you because he doesn’t know YOU yet and women in general are known to like material things so he thinks he is giving you what you want.

Rather than harbor all of these thoughts in your head, just speak to him. Tell him what you want. Tell him you don’t want all the money and expensive trips but you just want to spend time with him so you both can get to know each other.

Most importantly, tell him you need help with the baby. If possible, let your mum come stay with you for a few days till you find help rather than you go stay with them.

But unless you want to become a single mum struggling to cater for herself and her baby, you need to communicate with that man and make your marriage work.

Shutting him out or living separately will not solve the situation. So the earlier you start working on your marriage the earlier you would be happy and your child would get to grow up in a peaceful, loving home.

I hope I have been on help. Thanks for sharing!

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PS: Words are an expression of opinion; WRITING is SPEAKING!

-OUR

Categories: FEATURE FRIDAY

10 replies »

  1. Dear Adrian, I agree with Viva.
    Your husband is a good man. It is just that you don’t like him. I suggest you open your heart to like him. Decide to like him.
    Him lavishing money on you is his way of showing you how much he loves you.
    Make an effort to form a relationship with him. Through that you can express your feelings to him and I believe he will understand.
    Believe me when I say he is working and spending the money to impress you. Tell him it doesn’t satisfy you and tell him what does. Please return to your husband house and stay. I know baby is new but stay with him. Get a help if you want. But if he is not abusing you remain there and make an effort for your marriage to work.

    Like

    • Thank you Cleo for this very good advice. I’m glad she has heard it from someone else so hopefully she now realizes that she needs to put in effort so her marriage can work.

      Once again Adriana, as long as he is not abusing you or your child in anyway, then I see no reason to run away from a commitment that you made in the presence of God, family and friends. Good luck!

      Like

  2. Hello Adrianna,

    The most important thing in marriage(very top on the list) is communication. Even if you had married the man of your dreams, you still have to communicate. A man’s way of showing love is by lavishing with gifts(I think most women would love that to be honest).
    I think, on your part, you should try to reach out to him like OUR mentioned. Communication is 2 ways. Open up to him, let him know how you feel. Being a new mom is one of the most daunting tasks any woman can ever face, and the truth is, your husband does not and can never know how it feels like……because he is a man.
    so far he does not abuse you, share your thoughts, suggestions, your fears, and you I think all will go well. Eventually, your love for him will grow, if you have an open heart.
    x

    Emerdelle

    Like

    • Thank you for your comments Emerdelle. I agree with you that most women would love the lavishing but I guess her dream man was the opposite of whom she married but that’s ok as long as she has an open heart.

      Majority of us never ended up with the exact image we had in our head growing up. Sadly, life doesn’t work that way.

      I really do hope she realizes the saying “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know”. The so called Mr charming she longs for might be battering her everyday so she needs to work with what she has now and forget about what could have been.

      Like

  3. Hi Adrianna,

    I think OUR has said it all, Communication is a 2-way thing, and you should learn talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel and because he loves you, he will definitely look for a way to make you and your baby comfortable especially by finding you a help. Running back home to stay to your parents is not the best option rather I suggest your mum come stays with you.

    You should indeed COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS because a lot of married women would probably wish they were in your shoes. At least thank God he doesn’t abuse you physically or emotionally cos that’s one thing on one prays for.
    Remember there’s no best marriage, you have to work towards making yours the best you know or ever dreamt of.

    Heed to these advices and I wish you all the best in your marriage.

    CoCo

    Like

    • Very important point you have there Coco. There is no best marriage indeed. Those couple you see holding hands and smiling from cheek to cheek could simply be suffering and smiling yet you wish to be like them – be careful what you wish for.

      I really think we’ve said all that needs to be said. It’s up to her to make a life changing decision and I really hope she makes the right one.

      Thanks for reading!

      Like

  4. Wow…honestly I think you gat no problem,but at the same time your the only one who knows how you feel,I totally agree with everyone you should count your blessings,most men expecially in nigeria feels money is all a woman need, as long as He as you at heart you should try and speak to him,your the one to decide the type of home and marriage you want and it can happen..all the best

    Like

  5. Go back to him oh, I can see you want to suffer. Better run back and explain exactly what you want. GBAM

    Like

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