During the course of our lives, I am pretty sure a huge chunk of us have come across the words “husband material” or “wife material”. Some of us have had words like “you’re not wife material” said to us including me but I just have to ask this question, “WHAT EXACTLY IS HUSBAND/WIFE/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL?”

Whomever can narrate the meaning in detail is welcome to share their thoughts with us all. I am so eager to learn.

To the best of my knowledge, what I understand from husband/wife material is an already set idea of what or how a person should look, dress, talk, walk, react, behave and basically live their entire live with hopes of one day becoming someone’s Mr or Mrs.

Let me reiterate the sentence above.

According to some set out rules by the universe, if a man or woman hopes to be married someday, there is a particular way he or she is expected to behave so they can be seen as the accurate choice for the institution for marriage.

I will now list out some of the behavioral patterns of those who are supposedly “husband/wife material”

Husband Material

He has to be responsible, dress decently (no sagging), No tattoos, Few or no female friends, NOT a mamas boy, make a very decent income, live in a decent apartment, NO night life, NO flirting, NO smoke, social drinker, respectful and the list goes on and on.


Wife Material

She has to know how to cook, clean, wash clothes and take care of a home and her husband, she should NOT be outspoken, NO irresponsible looking friends, NO night life, she should go to church more than once a week, know how to handle and love children, dress decently, no tattoos, short non-artificial nails, no heavy makeup, she MUST live with her family and not alone, she must speak her mother-tongue, she shouldn’t have a car unless her father bought it for her, she shouldn’t look too artificial, she should be respectful.. and the list goes on and on.

Oh my! How pathetic!

Do you notice how the wife material list is a lot more than the husband material list? And I am pretty sure there is a lot more but that’s all I could think of at the moment.

The big question is WHO SET THESE SILLY RULES?

Who woke up one day and decided that outspoken women don’t make good wives? Or that if you do not know how to handle a child as a single lady then you automatically wouldn’t make a good wife? Or because you have a tattoo or fix your nails or speak your mother tongue then you are not going to be a good wife?

Let me just state this for the record, as some of you might have noticed, I am VERY  outspoken but it has never interfered with my ability to be a wife and a good one at that.

I wrote a post about women knowing when not to cross the thin line that separates them from women and “wives”. Read it here. So as long as you do not let your newly done manicure interfere with making lunch, I don’t see how getting your nails done strikes you out as “wife material”.

Even if you do not know anything about a child as a single lady, who is to say you can’t learn on the job like I did?

When I had my baby, I knew NOTHING about motherhood or children. Fast forward a year and a half later, people that have been married for three, four, five years with children older than mine call me seeking advice on their second and third pregnancy including child care.

I have even been approached by a grandmother (who was my mother’s age) to give advice on how to cure colic (constant crying) in babies. I wrote about it here. Yet you say there’s something called “wife material”?

Or because you like to put on makeup and wear your hair long with your high heels so they assume someone so “materialistic” would never know her way around the kitchen? Tell that to my husband the first time I made Egusi soup for him. He even had to brag about it to my brother. That’s how well it tasted!

And yes! I will always still wear makeup and love my high heels 🙂

These contradictions of the husband/wife material also extend to the husband so don’t think it’s biased.

The issue that I think should concern us is the fact since everyone already knows these set out rules exist some people sometimes act out the entire role so they can be seen as “husband/wife material” and then when they finally get married, things start to take a different turn.

You know the saying “the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know” or “i’d rather a bad girl turned good than a good girl never done bad”

It’s all up to us to either let society define what our spouses (the people we spend the rest of our lives with) should look like or how they should behave or we choose for ourselves and make our own decisions because we want to and not because society told us to.

Most importantly, never judge a book by its cover. That girl with a six inch heel and twenty eight inch brazilian hair could also be one of the most domesticated women you have ever come across. Whereas, the one with the long skirt and natural hair could have a lot more skeletons in her closet.

Moreover, there is no such thing as the perfect husband or wife so work with what you have and strive to make the best out of it without condemning him or her to societal ideologies.

What exactly is husband/wife material?

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Categories: POSTS, SOCIETY

5 replies »

  1. I think you’ve got the definition right- a preconceived notion of how people should behave to attract a mate. When those people say “You’re not wife/husband material”, I just look at them and think, “So you think your judgy ass is good spouse material?” 😀


    • Lol @ judgy ass. One thing I know for sure is that nothing, absolutely nothing can prepare you for marriage. Not the books or the stories but the experience. Only being married can teach you how to be married.

      So for those that think they are “husband material”, God bless them if their “material” is made out of silk but their husband prefers cotton.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol! I really wonder who comes up with such rules. Every marriage is different. Something good for couple A might not work for couple B. I know someone who says that his wife wouldn’t be cooking bitter leaf and Ora soup in his house because the ogili( a local ingredient) always leaves a bad smell round the house.


    • Lol @ Ogiri leaves a bad smell. I actually agree it smells awful.

      But you’re right, no one can be so prepared to be deemed “husband material”. Your friend for example might have spent her entire time perfecting her ora and bitter leaf soup skills but now that her husband dislikes the soup, whats next for her?

      That’s exactly why for every marriage, you learn on the go and for those that think they are “husband material”, God bless them if they only know how to cook with goat meat and their husband prefers cow leg.


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