As we all know, this is the month of love and as we count down to the what is generally known as the most romantic day of the year; Valentine’s Day, I thought to share with you all some of the things that in my opinion MUST be done before one goes ahead and ties the knot with a significant other.
These steps however do not have to be carried out before you PUT A RING ON IT. It can be carried out while you are still dating or after she says YES to your proposal. Bottom line, it MUST be done before you both say I DO.
Now, I am going to list out these steps in chronological order:
Ladies and gentlemen, please DATE your partner before even considering settling down with him or her. Forget about all these grammar our parents sometimes speak about arranged marriages and how love comes later.
Sometimes, they try to convince us that they met and married through arranged marriage and they’ve been happily married for thirty years and it could happen to us too. Please guys, the societal practices that occurred during the time of our parents are no longer practicable so DO NOT be deceived.
Make sure you date the person. Hang out with him/her. Hang out with their friends. Go and see what they are like in their comfort zone and let them come to yours as well. Get to know the person. Are there lots of awkward moments? Do you guys never have anything to talk about? Or do you guys always have things to talk about? That’s the essence of dating – to find out if you’re compatible.
PLUS for the ladies, need I remind you that dating is the BEST part of a relationship which is when the guy woos the girl with chocolates, flowers, gifts and loads of attention before he gets the cookie? So why on Earth would you want to give all of that up by taking the high road?
So you’re dating the guy and things are going smoothly, the next step is to find out as much information as you possibly can from the guy aka DIG DEEP!
As a matter of fact, some people equate first dates to interrogation dates because the conversation is mostly in form of questions. Where are you from? What do you do? How many siblings do you have? What do you do for fun? And so on and so forth.
However, those are not the kind of questions I am referring to. Yes, you have to ask those questions I mentioned above (and more) but digging deep involves asking more personal questions that let you deep into the person’s life.
You should ask questions about their habits, family, friends, finances, exes, personal history, etc. Basically, you should ask questions you need answers to regardless of how touchy you think they are.
Please bear in mind that these questions should not be asked on the first or second date. Rather, they should be asked after sometime when you are sure that you both are getting along pretty well. Also, they should not be asked all at once as you do not want to throw the person off course.
For example, it may be a bit forward on a first date to ask a man about his relationship with his ex wife who also happens to be the mother of his child. But as you go on to “date” the guy, make sure you ask every single question you have in your mind to clear your head off any reasonable doubt.
It might sound like you’re prying but the truth is if the person is willing to let you into his/her life by answering those questions then it is nothing but a good sign which shows that the person trusts you enough to let you into their life that way.
This is my personal favorite; make sure you LIVE TOGETHER with your significant other before you tie the knot. As much as our society does not really permit this, it is very important. I wrote a post sometime ago about HUSBAND/WIFE MATERIAL. Click the link to read the post if you haven’t.
In the post, I spoke about how men and women pretend to be the so called “husband/wife material” just so they could get married and when they eventually do, all hell breaks loose. That is when you start hearing talk like “she is no longer the woman I married” or “he changed ever since we got married”.
Hear me when I say living together nullifies all of that. There is a saying that goes “a man can only pretend when he is outside his home”. So no matter how many dates you go on or how much time you spend together, it can never compensate for when you both spend every day together in the same house with nowhere to run or hide.
That is the moment when you get to discover all of the annoying and adorable habits either of you have. You would get to learn if he snores at night which he probably lied about when you DUG DEEP. Or maybe she doesn’t know how to cook but lied and said she did when you DUG DEEP. Or maybe he’s a mama’s boy and his mum calls him ten times a day and at night before he goes to bed. Or maybe he’s very romantic and makes sure you guys cook together all the time.
This is the time you get to find out all you need to know so if your discoveries are scary or things you don’t think you can handle then feel free to walk away from the relationship. After all, only a foolish man would fall into a ditch he saw right in front of him unless it’s a suicide mission.
PUSH TO THE WALL
This is the very interesting part where you get to discover the BEAST that exists in the other party. The aim of this step is to discover how the person reacts when put under pressure and when pushed to his/her limits.
Do they fight back? Do they walk away from the situation? Do they ignore the situation and live in denial? Do they play the blame game? What exactly is their reaction when the situation is out of their control?
In this step, you are expected to pick fights and quarrels with your partner then blow them out of proportion and so as to push your partner to the wall. As a matter of fact, if possible, have the biggest fight you can ever have in your relationship.
As much as a lot of people might not buy into this step, the point is that if you are able to recover from a fight so tough then you both are like elastic which no matter how far it gets stretched would always return back to its original position.
For example, imagine you pick a fight with your partner whom you are living with but not married to and before you even say “Jack Robinson”, he hits you in the face and turns you into a punching bag. Need I say more about his personality?
Now, if you hadn’t picked this “unnecessary” fight, you would have married someone you thought was an angel whom you had never had a single fight with and then after you get married and you eventually fight, you would find yourself in a mess you can’t contain.
Please bear in mind that I’m not saying fight all the time or create a scene. I’m simply saying find a way to push him/her to the limit so you can find out if the reaction you get is one you can deal with for the rest of your life or one that requires you to move back to your apartment.
FIGHT WITH LOVE
Most importantly, FIGHT WITH LOVE! Yes, you would inevitably fight as no couple is above that but DO NOT intentionally say things that would hurt your partner just so you could get back at them. Even while PUSHING TO THE WALL, steer clear of sensitive topics and matters that would offend your partner.
Remember that the aim of the fight is to eventually marry your partner and not push them away. So, fight but always remember to FIGHT WITH LOVE.
There you go guys! The five steps that I think everyone should undergo before they say I DO.
Do you think there are more steps that should be taken?
Feel free to share your comments, suggestions and opinions.
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PHOTO CREDIT: THE OPENED BOX