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THE QUEST FOR THE PERFECT GUY

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A friend of mine recently asked me a simple question that resulted in a very lengthy conversation which caused both parties involved to ponder deep about life. She asked “How is married life?”.

Bear in mind that this friend of mine is single and we’ve been friends long before I got married.

I replied her with the usual “married life is good. We’re taking it one step at a time”. And she went on to say “No. I mean HOW is married life?” And the conversation got more interesting…

I asked her what she meant exactly of which she said “Do you ever wonder that maybe you would have met your ‘missing rib’ if you hadn’t married your husband? Or maybe there is someone out there who is a lot more compatible with you than your husband is but you missed the chance of meeting him because you settled for someone else?

At that exact moment, I realized why a lot of Nigerian girls exceed their prime and turn down lots of guys because of their QUEST FOR THE PERFECT GUY.

I am going to say this as straight forward as I possibly can, THERE IS NO PERFECT SPOUSE!

You could go around the world to the end of the Earth and back, dating every single guy that exists on the planet and when you get to that point where you feel he might be the one, he goes ahead and crosses off one or more of the items on your DO NOT check list. And then you move on to the next guy.

Next thing you know, you’re thirty-five years old and you’ve dated/slept with over twenty guys.

My advice to anyone in that kind of situation would be to stop being picky and make the best out of what you already have.

My friend for example would tell us the silliest of reasons why her previous relationship didn’t work out. Some of her reasons were: I didn’t like the way he chewed, he talked while eating, he had a funny voice, he snorts when he laughs, he slurs when he talks, he doesn’t moisturize his skin, he drags his feet while walking and so on and so forth.

Each complaint went for each of the exes she had. Some exes had more than one complaint but all were in my opinion, flimsy excuses.

The same thing I tell her in reply is what I would say to you all today, IF YOU DON’T LIKE SOMETHING, FIX IT!

Just a little NEWS FLASH for you all, men are like babies or better still puppies. It is the way you want them to behave that you have to train them to behave. Simply put, MEN are loyal to those that are good to them.

So, if you have a problem with his chewing or talking while eating or any other ridiculous complaint, FIX IT!

Talk to him about it and give him a chance to fix it. If he really cares about you and wants your relationship to work, he would put an effort to make you happy by stopping such habits.

I can guarantee you that having a talk is a lot better than dumping him and moving on to the next guy who chews with his mouth closed only for you to discover six months into the relationship that he doesn’t moisturize his feet or he never removes his calluses. And then you’re off from that relationship as well.

In all earnest, I really do think that aside from incompatibility, whatever reason that leads to the end of a relationship should be a MAJOR one. When I say incompatibility, I mean a situation where you guys just cannot get along after trying really hard to actually make it work.

Once again, I must stress how wrong it is for the young ladies out there to pick the silliest reasons not to be with someone who checks majority of the boxes.

Like a brilliant person once said, CHOOSE TO BE WITH HIM FOR ALL THE GOOD HE HAS DONE AND NOT LEAVE HIM FOR THE WRONG HE DID. But then again, the context I speak of are for flimsy reasons and excuses to end a relationship and not MAJOR issues that warrant attention.

What’s your opinion? Do you think ladies should keep searching for the perfect guy out there?

Feel free to share your comments, opinions and suggestions.

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-OUR

Categories: POSTS, Relationship

4 replies »

  1. Seems to me like you’re underestimating pet peeves. No matter how minuscule the issue might seem to you, for the person with that feeling, it can lead to resentment way bigger than the issue. Also there are somethings you can change in your partner and something I just wouldn’t change. If someone doesn’t shower often for example, the issue to me is not the shower, it’s that they lack principle. Is that someone you want to raise a family with? What would they teach your children? The lack of principle will also guarantee that they will undermine your efforts to teach your children something because they don’t comprehend the importance. There are no many examples of how little things mean a lot to someone. For example if you’re a light sleeper and your spouse snores, what’s the alternative? Sleeping in different rooms for the rest of your life. Snoring can sometimes me corrected what if this can’t? Again the issue is that it might seem little to outsiders but should not be taken for granted by the couple.

    I’m not saying that anyone is perfect, I just want you to understand that it’s perfectly ok to end a relationship over something little if it bugs you. Major issues aren’t the only things that can cause resentments. Build up of resentment over little things is why I bet some folks kill their spouse.

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    • You’re not wrong that these little things can drive one crazy but my point is everyone has a little annoying habit and you can pretty much never escape it. You may leave John because he snorts and end up David who snores so what are the odds that the next guy won’t have an even worse habit?

      I’m no expert in love but I believe love is meant to conquer all. I’m sure we all have that ex we were head over heels with but after we’re over the break up, we realize he has a very funny head which we never noticed for the year we dated or some other silly thing about him that became apparent because we were no longer in love with him or supposedly “blinded”.

      So I still think that if the guy really checks every other amazing box and is willing to work on his flaws then give it a go at least during the dating phase and see if it works out rather than break up outrightly. If it doesn’t work out then you can walk away if you please.

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  2. Lydia is right, little holes sink ships, and it’s always a straw that breaks the camel’s back.

    Your friend is not wrong for not liking any of those things. I can’t imagine being with someone who drags their feet while walking; I would probably murder them.

    The problem is that those little things are things that can be weeded out on the first or second date. If I go out on the first date with a guy and he’s slurping his food or talking with his mouth full, there’s not going to be a second date. Somebody cannot come and disgrace me abeg.

    My point is: those things are not reasons to end an already established relationship, they are reasons to not start the relationship in the first place. Those things did not just start out of the blue, and that’s the whole point of the first few dates, to establish compatibility.

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    • I love the part where you said those things are not reasons to END an already existing relationship but reasons NOT to start one. That’s everything I’m trying to say in a nutshell.

      If along the line, you already pretty much like the guy but notice he doesn’t moisturize his feet, rather than walk away because it’s apparently a turn off like my friend would do, make an attempt to correct it.

      Liked by 1 person

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